Weight Loss Journals - petecohen.tv

I left a message on his answermachine last Friday and after a weekend of silence got a letter from him on Tuesday. He reiterated his desire to have no further contact with his baby daughter or me (henow claims he is in a relationship and about to get engaged). I have no interest in whether this is true or not - it just reaffirms my clear sense that my darling baby daughter is better off without him in her life, as he is clearly so flaky and unstable that he could let her down at any time. It still hurts terribly (and is very shocking as I never saw this coming) but all in all I am now looking to the future and building a secure healthy and loving foundation for my little family. I told my 5 year old son that we wouldn't be seeing my (ex) partner or his children again earlier this week and his response moved me to tears (both sad and happy). He looked really concerned and asked whether that meant that his sister wouldn't get to see her daddy. When I told him that was right, he said 'but that might mean she will feel less loved'. I was about to reply when he paused and then said 'but it's ok mummy - we will just have to love her a little bit more.' I was so proud of him for thinking like that and although I know he is sad about not seeing my former partner's children again it was amazing that his first thought was for his sister. So there is a lot to feel thankful for and a lot to be excited about - and getting fit and healthy is one of them. I know I am still indulging in my sugar addiction more than is good for me (and stalling when I think about getting stuck into Day One) but my resistance is diminishing and soon there will be no stopping me. Watch this space....

Have a wonderful time this weekend - will be thinking of you all. We can do this! xxx

Since having my baby girl I have been a bit like a child in a sweet shop (or in my case a Type 1 diabetic in a sweet shop) - I had to control my levels so religiously during the pregnancy but when I was discharged from hospital with my beautiful daughter, I was told to keep sugary snacks on hand to keep my levels high enough to breastfeed. Tesco Direct has been delivering danish pastries and chocolate bars ever since (and yes, these have also served to help me try to block out the fact my partner has just chosen to disappear). But I have taken some time today to reflect on this - the first step to sort this out was blogging a few days ago, and I have now decided to start the programme again sooner than I was going to - after all, I lost over 2 stone last time when I had glandular fever so not being able to do all the exercise components will not be the end of the world, and will get me in the right frame of mind for when I have had my six week check. I will make sure I eat enough slow release carbs and fruit to address the need for sugar (plus I have had to resort to top-up bottle feeds for her because my milk still isn't enough for her so if my levels aren't high enough she will still get the hydration and immunity from me and the carbs/fat from the bottles) and I will make 2010 the most amazing year yet - it has seen the completion of my little family, and will also see the transformation of it's mummy into the healthiest, fittest version of herself she can be. I am currently 15st 8 (my wedding weight - from all the way back in 2003 - as it happens!) - I have gained just over three stone in the pregnancy but if I hadn't started petecohen.tv last year, and had gained the same amount, I would now be rocking in at nearly 18 stone so am so pleased that I lost weight beforehand.

Am planning to go through the steps and tools over the next week and start Day 1 on 15 March - and am already HUGELY excited by the thought. It is SOOOOOO good to be back. The comments on my last blog were like a huge group hug from all of you (the same effect that today's sunshine has had on me) and I am so grateful - WE CAN DO THIS!!

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Where to begin? Well, the best news is that despite quite serious illness in the final weeks of pregnancy, my precious baby daughter was born on 17 February by emergency C section and although she had problems breathing initially (she was a month early) and spent some time in special care, she is now home and an absolute poppet. I didn't get to see her for the first 24 hours as I was confined to bed and she was on a breathing machine but seeing her for the first time was an incredibly moving experience and as immediate as if she had just been born that minute. She has dark hair like her mummy and is slowly unfurling from the curled-up sleep of the just-born. My son is VERY PROUD of her indeed and very protective as only a five and a half year old big brother can be : )

I am doing really well too - much less post-caesarean pain than when I had my son and am already quite mobile (and very keen to get back into petecohen.tv as soon as reasonably possible). After my 6 week check I am going to join a post-natal aqua group plus a walking group called Pushy Mums which involves pushing prams across rough terrain and doing aerobics outside! It's a glorious time of year to have had a baby as there is so much scope for being outdoors - plus I have more energy than I have had in over a year (thanks to the delights of both glandular fever and pregnancy). It feels like someone has just switched the lights back on and nothing is going to stop me now!

The other main reason I am so keen to be back on here (as well as catching up with all of you lovely people) is that I have had a really tough time with my partner in the last fortnight - he has gone from being supportive, loving and excited about the baby's arrival to sending me a text when she was 5 days old saying he wants nothing to do with her or me and to never contact him again. He then dumped all the baby things on my front path in the middle of the night in the rain. I have no idea what is going on or what he has told his children about why they are not now going to see their sister - he might have had a breakdown, he might be in shock or maybe he is just a very different person from the one I thought I knew and loved, but whatever the reason I am very very shocked and cannot make sense of this (and he will not take my calls). I WILL seek answers at some point once I am stronger but I REFUSE to let this make me turn once again to the old comforter of food as I did when my husband left. I am a far stronger person now than I was then (thanks in no small part to this programme) and I will get through this, both for my own sake and the sake of my babies, but a little bit of venting on here and some words of wisdom from my beloved Pete-ettes should set me right. Don't want to overly dwell on this now as the most important focus of this blog is the arrival of my beloved daughter and the fact that every day I am struck by just what a miracle she is. One of the definitions of Grace is 'unexpected blessing' - entirely appropriate.

Loads of love to all of you - we can do this!!

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Just to wish you all a happy new year - am now 30 weeks and rounder than a Christmas pudding but in good health and apart from inevitable tiredness, doing well (mood steady and sugar levels under control). I am due to have an elective Caesarean on 5 March which seems very close already and cannot wait to meet our tiny girl...

Am feeling increasingly excited too about getting back into the Pete zone again once I have had the baby. Annoyingly I am having to eat to meet my insulin requirements at the moment - which are all over the place so following the programme in that sense is a no-go at the minute but just try and stop me once I am post-partum! 2010 is going to be a great year - let's make the most of it, seize any opportunity to make it fantastic and realise our full potential.

We can do this!

xxxxxx

I had my 20 week anomaly scan on Tuesday and everything seemed fine - she even gave us a little wave at the end which was lovely : ) It wasn't the easiest of hospital appointments though as I decided to be very honest about how depressed I have been getting of late with the midwife and she instantly referred me to the Mother and Infant Mental Health Service. This was good in that they are taking me seriously and acting quickly but also slightly scary as one of the questions they asked me during my assessment was 'can you keep yourself safe before we see you again on Friday?' I know it's a standard question but it just made me a bit scared about having said anything. All in all though I know I need support and at least antenatal depression is a lot more recognised now than when I first had it five years ago.

Have also been battling a hideous cold this week (missed my first day of work since returning several months ago today) and am not eating properly as a result - too tired to cook decent food, but probably not helping my immune system by not eating the fruit and veg I really need. Have taken huge inspiration from ayesha's most recent blog listing of food she has eaten - it made my mouth water! So am determined to try to make some good wholesome food for myself tomorrow and to give my immune system the boost it needs.

We can do this.

xxx

Hello! It's been too long! I haven't blogged for weeks (since announcing the pregnancy) and then my membership expired so I decided I probably wouldn't return until after little one arrives next Spring but then a lovely email from Mandie changed my mind and...here I am! I have been giggling since logging in because the frist thing I was asked for were my current statistics. Given that I am now nearly 19 weeks pregnant, let's just say that there is going to be a bit of a blip in my graph (especially waist measurement!!)

On a less cheery note, I have been under the cloud of antenatal depression for some time now - am trying to avoid ADs if at all possible but my mind can take me to some pretty dark places - probably another reason I've not been on here much. And yet, I read through some of your blogs this morning and felt so uplifted and inspired by them (and reassured that once tiny girl arrives I WILL be able to lose the weight and continue on my journey with this programme) that I realised I should never have vanished. So big big hugs to all and I look forward to reading about your successes and milestones as I sit here growing larger!!

Lots of love - we can do this!!!

xx

After several weeks of shock at some unexpected news, I just wanted to let you all know that I am 8 weeks pregnant. This was totally totally unplanned (we were being actively careful) but now that lovely man and I have got over the initial shock (who am I trying to kid?!) we are thrilled. When my marriage ended I always imagined that my son would remain an only child but the thought that he might now have a baby brother or sister is too wonderful. Lovely man did go into shock for 48 hours when I first told him and I made the decision to keep the pregnancy independently of whether we would be together or not - and I am convinced that one of the reasons this was so clear a choice to me was down to petecohen.tv - being newly unafraid of what others might think and really listening to my own heart and desires on this was invaluable. The fact that lovely man is also very excited now (and incredibly protective and supportive and loving towards me) is an incredibly special bonus. I am sorry I went quiet for so long - I was just coming to terms with the news (although that might take decades I suspect!)

During my last pregnancy I gained huge amounts of weight, mainly through eating sugary foods to combat extreme sickness and nausea. This time around, I am diabetic and much more in control of my eating as I am having to be very careful with my sugar levels . The tools from this programme have already helped no end with this (the duck plus hormones shout SO loudly when I am pregnant) - I am eating what I feel like to some extent but when I crave beef crisps or something similarly nutritionally devoid, I try to work out what the craving is for and then eat something more helpful. Another wonderful thing is that I am actually relaxed about the prospect of gaining some additional temporary weight (thank goodness I lost 2 stone this year!) as I KNOW I will be able to lose it again afterwards - especially with all you fab people to support me. So I may not be a very regular blogger but I do intend to keep blogging and commenting when I can.

Am also back at work on reduced hours - although I am tired this appears to be more pregnancy-related now (I guess my body felt it could only handle one set of demands so post-viral fatigue has been kicked into touch). Am resting when I need to and am keeping up with the swimming - so relaxing and nice to think that although my tum might be due to expand, my limbs can stay toned this way at least!

Finally though, a HEARTFELT PLEA: My pregnancy is not common knowledge yet (apart from a few very close friends) so anyone who is friends with me on Facebook, PLEASE no general references to this on my wall etc (I'd rather let family know in my own time rather than via a general message on Facebook!!)

Lots of love to all of you - and Pete - am LOVING the new challenge - the emails are utterly inspiring and enabling - FAB!!

We can do this!

xxxx

Something has come up. I got some news yesterday and it means that I will not be able to blog for a while. I didn't want to just disappear with no word of explanation but at the same time am not in a position to explain further at this stage. I will be back but not for a while. Big big hugs to all of you.

xx

As is the delightful way with this condition I am utterly and totally wiped out today. I virtually crawled to the school this morning to see Daniel in his Sports Day (bless him - he was distracted by a helicopter flying overhead and missed his start in the relay - but then he IS a four year old boy!) and then got home and slept until now (gone two), REFUSE to get down about this though. Let's focus on the good stuff. Yesterday was great, as I managed a swim AND took Daniel for a haircut which for me at the moment is amazing, and tomorrow I start acupuncture. Today's tools (if I get the chance to be awake for more than an hour at a time!) are to eat slowly, eat only when hungry and water. Might follow KP's lead and listen to The Weight-Loss Athlete again this evening.

Hope you are all having a great day - do some exercise for me!!

We can do this

xx

Am SO excited that KP is joining me in the dress rehearsal phase - after the end of the Summer challenge we'll hopefully be joined bya cast of thousands! Although I am not doing the SC anymore, it has been WONDERFUL to read everyone's blogs over the weekend - such a sense of positivity and energy - really infectious in their enthusiasm.

After a lovely weekend, I feel quite uplifted and very positive about the week ahead. I have got a bit more energy today and have found an acupuncturist who seems lovely (first appointment Weds), booked my car in for an oil change and made a couple of other overdue calls. All of this was beyond me last week and it feels so good to be well enough today to take action. Am off to the pool in a minute as well and I can't wait. There is a freshness in the air today (it rained earlier) and it feels great.

Today I am going to eat slowly and only when hungry plus make sure I take on enough water. The dress rehearsal phase is great but KP's blog has reminded me to keep a certain sense of structure to proceedings too. Am loving the 50 days idea too - thanks honey for an injection of inspiration!

Hope those of you doing the SC have a great Day 1.

WE CAN DO THIS!!

xx

So far, so wonderful. Had a beautiful lie-in after Daniel had been collected yesterday morning, felt calm and refreshed afterwards (especially once I had topped up on water), had a chat with a dear friend on the phone (one of Daniel's godmothers) and then managed a swim at the pool - so beautiful to slip into the water on a hot day - bliss. I then heard from a couple of friends in the village who were meeting for drinks in a local pub beer garden - not only was it lovely to join them in such an impromptu way but also it made me realise (and cherish) how settled I am now in my local community - I moved to the village two and a half years ago and I really do feel at home. After chatting and laughing in the sunshine we then went for a meal at the local curry house - really lovely food and I didn't overdo it (the days of starters and side dishes are long gone!) Have had another lie-in this morning, a delicious noodle brunch full of veggies and good stuff and am off to the pool again in a few minutes as I feel well enough again - yay!!

Just had a read through of my email inbox (reading comments posted to other blogs) - it reminded me of yesterday's conversation with my friends in the sunshine - people encouraging one another, laughing with each other and revelling in the gentle honesty that this site makes possible. So I raise a drink to all of youlovely people in our virtual beer garden and wish you all a wonderful Sunday.

We can do this!!

xx

Mum helping with the house went well - we didn't argue, we got quite a bit done and what is left is manageable, even with my energy levels. So glad I called her back and agreed to let her help. A lesson for the future...

So, onto my plans.... Normally when people talk about their plans for the weekend these plans are sociable and exciting in nature. Mine fall more into the category of small, low-key and realistic but not in a negative way. Daniel is spending the weekend with his dad so from 9am tomorrow I can do as I please. And this weekend I intend to:

Rest when I need to, in an airy room (windows thrown open), with the mp3 for company
Walk on both days - even if it's only 10 minutes - to fill my lungs with fresh air and feel the breeze on my face
Go to the pool - again, this may only be to sit in the jacuzzi and the sauna but I will just do what I can and listen to my body
To eat wonderful fresh natural food and to take my time over it. The best meal I have had this week was a multi-coloured salad with smoked mackerel - it took me ages to eat, was incredibly tasty and I was unable to finish it as I knew I was full.
To treat this weekend as a holiday - from my illness, from my everyday responsibilities - and to focus on the miracle that is simply being alive and in the world. I may be tired but every day is still precious and has moments of beauty, be it the smile on my beautiful boy's face, the sunshine, or just feeling my body moving through the water at the pool.

My overall plan? To feel content and to fully relax so that when my little boy comes home on Sunday night, his mummy is happy and refreshed. This will be a good thing. I can't wait : )

We can do this

xx

Well, I did it. I called Mum back and accepted her offer of help with the help (thanks in no small part to the encouragement I received from you guys) so she is due round very shortly - thank goodness it's a cooler day today as housework in the heat - not fun. Am going to do what I can this morning but will also try to listen to my body and rest when I need to.

I did some more research into post-viral fatigue yesterday and havesome topics I want to address with the doc. Considering chelated mineral supplements, acupuncture, graded exercise therapy and possibly even CBT. Am keepig an open mind and hoping some of these avenues might prove fruitful. Any advice welcome as I know a number of you have been in the same boat in the past.

Food is SO much better again. Pete's comment to KP the other day about going where you haven't been before made me realise that although I am eating lots more fruit I am stuck in a bit of a rut with the same ones cropping up again and again (bananas, sultanas, strawberries, raspberries mainly). As a result I now have a pineapple sitting downstairs (have never bought a fresh one before!) which my son is VERY excited about trying tonight and some blush pears which look lovely. Eating fruit does not come naturally to me as we didn't have it much in my childhood and even when we did I didn't like it much but I am getting there... The 'dress rehearsal' phase is in full swing!

We can do this!!

xx

It's been another very tired day - I think the heat is making my exhaustion that bit more tough - but I have rested when I have needed to, have made really good choices with food (weetabix & fruit for breakfast, mackerel salad for lunch, nakd bar mid afternoon and prawn and mushroom udon noodles with broccoli for tea), have drunk lots of water (just HOW good is water on a day like today?!) and am pleased about that. Was interested to notice the effect of having Weetabix this morning on me though - normally have muesli now but forgot to soak some last night - it was okay (not as nice but okay) but three hours later I was SO hungry - I think the muesli does a much better job at filling me up (plus has no added sugar whatsoever). Have put a bowl of the wonder stuff in the fridge to soak for tomorrow already...

Too tired to write anymore and unlikely to have the energy to check out the other blogs later but just to say I'm thinking of you all and hope you have had quietly good days too. We can do this.

xx

I have woken up this morning feeling rested and ready to get going with my Step 3.5 (Dress Rehearsal step!) again. I made such good food choices yesterday that I knew I had made the right decision and again, this morning, had a lovely breakfast with lots of fresh fruit. I am very tired again today but am hoping to have a gentle swim (or at least a soak) at the pool later – an ideal way to cool off.

Whenever anyone on the blogs mentions that they are up against it and they are rejecting offers of help I always jump in and say blithely 'accept the help – the people offering WANT to help you'. So why is it so hard to accept this advice myself? My mum just called to say that she could come over tomorrow morning and help me with the house (which frankly more than needs it) so what did I say? 'No, it's okay thanks Mum, I'll be alright'. Once again this is me feeling like a failure for needing help (and then stupidly rejecting it). I think I will give this some more thought during my swim and then call her back later to say yes, please. Since my ex husband left, I have been awful at accepting help, preferring to plough on to the point of near exhaustion, as if to say to myself ' I CAN do this, I don't NEED help, I am on my own now and this is how it is.' I know this drives my nearest and dearest to distraction sometimes – lovely man is always wanting to do jobs for me round the house but he has to spend hours persuading me to agree first!

Right (deep breath). Being kind to myself needs to extend to all areas of my life from now on – I know I am a good mum, and most of the time I truly don't need help but from time to time (and I guess right now is a case in point) I do need someone else to share the load and help me through. No shame in that, I know – so why does it make me feel bad? Thinking about it, if I DO say yes to mum, I need to make sure I don't then fall into the trap of eating my way thropugh feeling like a failure – it's a duck scenario waiting to happen (but not if I am lying in wait for the feathered critter)!

Lots of love to all those on Day 18 and everyone else

We can do this!

xx