Weight Loss Journals - petecohen.tv

Hello all!

It's been a pretty frustrating week. I've had a chest infection for a week and a half and it's knocked me sideways. Worst of all, it made my asthma completely flare up, so I was completely unable to exercise - I did try, but I just couldn't breathe and had to admit defeat. And I'm currently in training for the 26 mile Moonwalk, so I was completely worried that I'd blown the training program.

Anyway. the anti-biotics and asthma medication has finally kicked in, so I went out for my first power-walk today in a week and a half. And it was great! Happily I don't seem to have lost any fitness in the last ten days, so I breezed through my 5 mile walk. I loved it. I felt so good! And my time was terrific too, I was hitting 4mph, which was my target.

So, feeling great about that! Eating's been alright this week, but not brilliant, to be completely honest. Had some really good days, and the occasional not-so-good day. I was feeling pretty frustrated with not being able to walk, so I dealt with that frustration with the odd munch of this and that.

There was one stage when I caught myself desperately hovering up a mini chocolate eclair, that rationally I didn't really want to eat, and I really wasn't enjoying, and I just thought... ENOUGH! Been back on the straight and narrow since then. So not ideal, but I forgive myself and I've moved on.

Ahhh, it's difficult. I feel I'm definitely on the right track, but also that I'm a recovering food-a-holic... I look forward to the day when I just automatically eat only when I'm hungry and it doesnt even occur me to snack at other times. I've just got to keep practise practise practising and I'll get there!

xxx

This is a real quicky cos I'm desperate for my bed. I've had a chest infection for a few days (nothing antibiotics can't sort out) but it's knocked me sideways and made my asthma flare up.

So, I haven't been able to exercise for a few days, and you know what? I really really miss it! Astounding. AND, despite the illness I still feel really healthy, oddly!

Enjoyed the session tonight. It's good to take stock. And, genuinely, I do feel proud of what I've achieved. I do feel I'm heading the right way. I know this because I feel healthier within myself. I have more energy. My clothes are getting looser and looser. My friends and family are showering me with compliments. I love it love it love it.

I want to keep it up. And you know what? I actually feel confident I can.

Pete was talking about catalyst moments tonight, an event that changed our lives forever when we knew things had to change.

Personally I really love this Anais Nin quote: "The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

Have a great evening and much love xxxxx

Having a wonderful week so far, I've really stepped up the exercise (I'm in training for the 26.2 mile Moonwalk!) and I feel terrific for it.

Went for a 4 mile walk this morning - completed in 63 minutes - very happy with that. It was a bit of a struggle to get out - my asthma's been playing up - but luckily my Ventolin kept everything under control.

The eating's going really well too... although I'm finding exercise is giving me an increased appetite, so I'm trying to be extra careful to eat only when I'm hungry. Getting some evil snack cravings in the late evening though... not sure why... all sweet cravings and I generally don't have a sweet tooth. So trying to live through those rather than giving in (and doing OK.. more work required though!)

The one thing I've noticed is that actually at the moment I genuinely don't care how much I weigh, because I just feel so wonderful within myself. It's a novel feeling. I like it!

Just off to enjoy some lunch (rare beef with lambs lettuce, avocado, roast sweet potato and tzatziki)

Have a great day xxx

It's been a great week, all in all. Really enjoyed half term (almost to my surprise to be honest... I was expecting to be completely knackered by the kids all week, but actually really I've had a wonderful time and I've been bouncing with energy)

And... I weighed myself today and I've lost four pounds this week! Really chuffed with myself!

Off to do a victory lap around the lounge... :-)

I could do with your advice, fellow petecohen.tvers.

Thanks to the magic of food diary and blogging, I have finally realised what's probably completely obvious to every other woman on the planet.

Namely, that PMT makes life pretty difficult sometimes! I generally have three weeks a month where things go pretty swimmingly... it's reasonably easy to eat the right things, I'm motivated to get moving, and I feel really positive about everything. I mean, of course I have wobbles during this time, but still feel confident in myself.

And then... PMT hits, and I have a nightmare week. Desperate for sweet treats that I don't even enjoy eating, only wanting to hide beneath the duvet and despairing of my ability to ever achieve anything.

I'd just been assuming for ages that I only had the willpower to stick with something for three weeks, before I fell off the wagon for a week and then got back on for another three weeks... ha, I'm an idiot! Well, now I've finally realised that it's PMT, cos I've been keeping records for the last few months!

Anyone else up against this? Any suggestions? Any advice for making PMT easier? What's worked for you? Would love to hear some words of wisdom...

Have a great evening xx

When will I ever learn?

I've been working hard for the last month. I've really improved my diet. Aside from the odd wobble (hey it happens), I've cut out all snacking, and I'm only eating good things when I'm genuinely hungry. I've also stepped up the exercise too - this week I've done 2 (fast) three mile walks, and a good stint with an exercise DVD.

I've been feeling really well, and getting compliments.

So I thought, given that I've not weighed myself in a month, it couldn't hurt to step on the scales and see how much progress I've made?

wrong.

WRONG WRONG WRONG.

after a month of jolly hard work, I HAVE PUT ON A POUND. yeah, I'm trying to tell myself that it's probably muscle not fat, which weighs more, but to be honest I'm just feeling somewhat disheartened today. Like I must be doing something wrong, but I really thought I was doing something right.

Ah well. One positive thing is that a couple of months ago, I'd have dived headlong into a cake or a box of chocolates shouting "What the hey! I've failed anyway!". And actually I have no desire to console myself with eating. And I don't even really feel like I've failed, I feel more like I'm in limbo.

Well, I'm going to stick with it. I'm going to keep going. I'm going to stick my trainers on and go workout.

But.... sheesh.

A somewhat challenging week. In a good way, I think.

Certainly trying to step up the exercise... went for a good hour's walk yesterday. Well, I was aiming for a half hour walk, but I was too busy daydreaming to think about where I actually was going, got horribly lost, and wound up ankle deep in stinky mud (which squelched straight through to my socks). But even so, I enjoyed it.

Today, I tried an exercise DVD (first time ever), and to my surprise, not only could I keep up with it, I also kind of enjoyed it. I mean, I had to really push myself to get started, but it felt good while I was doing it and now I have a warm smug post-exercise glow.

Pete set us an interesting challenge this week: to accept ourselves.

My problem is, physically, actually, I do accept myself and I'm delighted with the progress I've made so far.

But mentally, I don't think I do accept myself. I give myself a very hard time... for a long while, I've felt that I'm not the person I want to be, in terms of my career, being a mum and being a wife.

Having said that, this week the wonderful Ros and Barbara from my Online Course gave me loads of reassurance about being a mum, and reminded my what's important... so now I know I am not the only mother who gets grumpy and then feels guilty about it! So already I feel better on that front... I will try to remember that I'm not supermum, I'm human, and I'm doing the best I can!

In terms of being a loving and loved wife... I'm still working on it. I think things are improving though. Can't really say more than that.

In terms of my career... basically I quit my job six months ago to try setting up my own business. It's not worked out. But actually, being rational about it, I did learn an awful lot, I haven't lost too much money in the great scheme of things, and I still have a lot of options open to me. I'm just struggling to find the job that lets me work round the kids, do something rewarding and still pays a half decent wage. Does it even exist?!

So. I've got lots of work on. I want to be kinder to myself. Onwards and upwards. Have a great week xx

...but let me say right now, I'm feeling OK about it. I know where it went wrong and what I've got to do now. (And I know I'll figure it out even more while writing this blog... I do love blogging...)

Bit of a difficult weekend. Wound up eating more than I wanted to yesterday, and unsatisfying stuff like cake too. Not dramatically, but still. I want to eat in my new way forever, I don't want to drift back to my old habits. Basically it was a combination of numerous factors. On their own, it wouldn't have been a problem. En masse... wobble time.

1) I didn't drink enough water
I just clean forgot to keep up my drinking, I realise! And when I don't drink enough water, I tend to feel hungry.

Lesson learned 1: need to remember to take my water bottle out with me

2) I didn't keep my food diary this weekend
The food diary really keeps me in check. It makes me answer to myself. I wound up eating 2 Freddo bars yesterday at a party, and I'm sure I wouldn't have if I was doing my food diary that day, but I'd already decided to take a day off the food diary and see what happened.

Lesson learned 2: I need to keep up my food diary for the forseeable future. Might not publish them on the blog, but I definitely need to keep writing them.

3) Impatience
I have been doing fabulously with my eating for the last month. But over the last few days I've started feeling impatient... Why haven't I woken up magically as a size 8? Partially it must be the duck talking, and I'm listening. The other part is I'd forgotten Pete's words that the weight doesn't magically pile on... it takes practice at eating the wrong things, and eating too much! The weight gain happens gradually.... and so does the weight loss.

Lesson Learned 3a) shut the duck up!
Lesson Learned 3b) Patience, patience, it is happening.

4) Disappointment & Not Planning
Really didn't have a fun day yesterday. Went to an all-day 4th birthday party, where I'd agreed (as a favour) to host the entertainment (I do kids' music lessons so get occasionally asked to do parties). Anyway, it was a bit horrendous. There were so many kids - way beyond my comfort zone. Parents talked throughout, I couldn't make myself heard... anyway, apparently the kids enjoyed it, which was the most important thing, but I felt really disappointed in myself (the duck again?) for not having done a better job.
And, because I was at the party all day, I didn't have access to healthy foods, but there were loads of cakes and chocolates.
All things considered, I ate ok, but I had too much cake when I wasn't even hungry, which is annoying.

Lesson Learned 4a) I must feel more confident in bringing my own healthy snacks and food to places where I don't think good food will be available.
Lesson Learned 4b) SHUUUUUUUT THE DUUUUUUUCK UUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway. I feel better for that. Have a great day xxx

Thanks for your sweet messages yesterday. i'm feeling much better today, thanks to a combination of 12 hours sleep (YAY!) and huge doses of nurofen and daynurse (DOUBLE YAY!)

yesterday's food diary:
BREKKIE
Nutty fruity muesli and 0% greek yoghurt
Apple and blackcurrant juice, and a glass of skimmed milk

EARLY LUNCH
Broth with chicken, noodles, greens and carrots

TEA WITH FRIENDS
Glass of carrot and orange juice, half a buttered teacake

LATE AFTERNOON
Mango, grapes, pineapple. Two chicken pieces from kids' supper. Fennel tea.

SUPPER.
Cup of vegetable stock.
Rice, avocado, tzatziki.
Followed by a glass of dessert wine in the bath, and a ridiculously early night.

have a great weekend xxx

feeling very rough this morning. caught some nasty bug, glands up, can't swallow, burning hot. but there are little daughters to be looked after and they have no sympathy, so just having to get on with it!

yesterday's food diary:
BREKKY
Tuna sarnie on wholemeal seeded bread, glass skimmed milk

LUNCH
biltong, lamb's lettuce, olives, avocado.
small scoop peas, spinach and rice.
crunchy apple

MID-AFTERNOON
fennel tea, marmite cashews, one chicken breast chunk (kids' supper)

TEETHING IRRITABLE SCREAMING BABY = WOBBLE
3 hazelnut lindor

LATE AFTERNOON
dried physallis

OUT WITH FRIENDS FOR SUPPER to South american restaurant where they bring round plates and plates of food until you murmur "I surrender!"

Did ok, could have done better though, I did eat a bit beyond feeling satisfied. Had lots of salad, although a lot of it had creamy dressing. Loads of plain grilled meat (bit too much). Only a few chips to nibble. Turned down bread.

Dessert: mint tea and ibuprofen!

I'm in a reflective mood today. Pete got me thinking with his Step 4 video yesterday. "If you see yourself as a fat person, you'll behave like a fat person". And I wonder who taught me to see myself as a fat person...

My Mum taught me to eat. She taught me that sadness could be smothered with huge sandwiches, midnight trips to the fridge and creamy desserts. My Mum taught me shame: she hated her body (she was over 20 stone for a long time); she taught me to regard mine with disgust too.

My Dad taught me to eat. He taught me that eating was fun, something to unite the family, something to do when bored. He taught me his personal mantra , which he repeated over and over to me: "I don't feel I've eaten enough until I feel physically sick".

My Nana taught me to eat. A child of war and the deprivation that goes with it, she taught me to finish every scrap of food on the plate. She taught me that you show someone love by feeding, feeding, feeding them "Have a biscuit, have a piece of cake, have some chopped liver". Conversely, she also taught me disgust too; whenever I saw her, she'd grab handfuls of my flesh, grab my spare rolls while hissing "What's all this then? What's all this?"

Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting the blame on everyone else and exonerating myself. I'm a smart enough person, but I just sucked up all those lessons without questioning then, and added my own: I taught myself to eat when I'm lonely, when I'm angry, when I felt out of control.

So thank you Pete. You have taught me that I can satisfy my emotional hunger without actually eating anything. You have taught me that the past is just that, and the present and future are mine to do with as I please.

Thank you fellow bloggers, and my fellow Live Online girls. You have taught me that I am not alone. You have taught me with your tips and insights; you all inspire me.

I am learning to be kinder to myself. I am learning that I am worthwhile. I am learning to think like a healthy person. And I love it.

Thank you xxx

Well, I've now done the 21 day programme through 3 times in a row...! And finally I feel like I'm ready to give Step 4 a go. Wish me luck...

Had another great day today, went for a lovely walk, then was stupidly busy running around the house like a crazy dervish... tidying up, racing it up and down the stairs like a crazy dervish! So definitely doing my best to keep as active as possible.

I've been blogging daily and keeping my food diary for three weeks now. I'm definitely going to keep doing it for another week, so I do a whole month, and then take it from there.

Basically I want to make sure I cover a whole month so I can chart my moods / eating / emotions over a whole cycle (if you know what I mean), cos I suspect that PMT has quite an effect on my behaviour...

Anyway, I felt really great after my first carb-free day. Then I woke up this morning feeling utterly rubbish (occasionally insomniac... I'd had a lousy night's sleep) so thought I'd try another carb-free day to see if that gave me more zip (indeed it did)

Today's food diary:
BREAKFAST
the now traditional 2 eggs scrambled with cheese and mustard (I'm a bit of a cheese and a mustard fiend, I do like to change what I use to keep things interesting... today's was parmesan and dijon. another favourite combo is cheddar and wholegrain).
glass of skimmed milk

LUNCH
Parma ham, green olives, lamb's lettuce and an apple.

MID-AFTERNOON
Half a small glass of homemade banana milkshake (okay okay, bananas aren't really allowed on a carb-free day...)
Small handful cashew nuts
Portion fresh pineapple, grapes and mango

SUPPER
Oriental broth with peppers, spring onions, water chestnuts, cashews and chicken

Have a great night all xxx

Pete's set us more homework: sit down and write, tonight, a blog on how we feel we're getting on with the programme and the Live Online course.

I have to tell you, I'm really proud with the progress I've made these last three weeks. I feel I've come a hell of a long way. My head feels like it's in a completely different place to where it was a few short weeks ago. I feel the change in myself. I feel the change in my clothes.

I actually joined petecohen.tv in August last year. I had been following it since then, loved it, but had some major lapses / relapses / collapses, and really struggled with it. I always knew the theory was good, but found it hard to put into practice. So I did lose weight and drop a dress size or two, but it felt quite uncomfortable and unnatural at times.

And before then, I've struggled with my weight and eating for years. Blimey, a good 20 years, since I was in my mid-teens. My weight's gone up and down (mostly up) for years, up through various disasters and hideous life events. Too many and too depressing to recount here, let's just leave them to history. But my weight went up and up and up as I ate through each sad event, until finally it was all I knew how to do.

So why are things finally working for me now?

A number of reasons:

1) I need to answer to someone.

When it was just me grading my progress, it was easy to kid myself and let things slide. But with Live Online, I'm part of a wonderful group. And there's Pete, talking directly to us. I don't want to let the girls down. I don't want to let Pete down. I publish my food blogs online; I want to be proud of them. I want to answer to the people on petecohen.tv, and be able to show the world I am taking the right steps, I am eating the right food, I am looking after myself.
So, it started with me wanting to answer to other people... but as time goes on, I definitely feel more and more confident in answering to myself. I want to lose the weight for me. I want to put the effort in for me. So, when I started the programme, I didn't even feel that I was worth answering to, but now I definitely do.

2) I need homework!

Obviously I knew about food diaries, but I'd never seen the point before. Pete tells us to try it for a week... I do, and now I realise it's a fantastic tool for me.

Never would I have dreamed of trying a carb-free day, sounded like a nightmare. But our homework was to give it a go, so I did. And it was great. Much easier and infinitely more pleasant than I would have imagined. As a result I'm going to try carb-free once a week for the forseeable future, and I'm going to try and cut down carbs on other days. Yesterday was carb-free and super-vibrant. Today featured carbs and I had less energy. Co-incidence? I'm going to experiment some more and find out.

So, I really enjoy doing my homework. If I discover something new that works for me, great, I'll keep using it. Doesn't work for me? No worries, I've still learnt something new.

3) I've finally got permission to do something nice for myself.

I've always been skilled at putting my needs last. I have my little daughters to care for, a hubbie to look after, and a poorly mum who's needed a lot of care and assistance the last few months. So I've been really slack about carving out quality time for me, making time for exercise and bothering to cook decent meals. But the course has motivated me to use my time more effectively, just to get on and make time where possible, and squeezing the exercise in where possible. My days feel more productive, I go to bed more satisfied I've got the best out of it.

4) Mood = Food = Mood

I just hadn't realised, before I did the course, how much my mood affected what I ate, and vice versa. The course has taught me to distance myself a bit, to analyse the hunger, to figure out whether I'm actually hungry or not, and if I am, what would be good for me to eat, rather than listening to what my brain remembers I like to traditionally eat.

I live in a house that's full of cake, crisps and chocolate (my husband's fuel of choice)... and you know what? I GENUINELY DON'T FANCY EATING ANY OF IT! So it's all sitting there untouched. Un-bloody-believable. Unthinkable a month ago.

5) I'm finally ready to take responsibility for everything!

I was a size 22 because I ate the wrong things, and ate far too much of that because my brain was hard-wired to do it. Stressed? Eat! Sad? Eat! Lonely? EAT!

For years I thought I must hate myself to stuff myself so full of food. Now I prefer to think of it that my brain was just trying to do what it thought was the best thing for me "When I'm stressed I eat to try and feel better. I'm stressed now so let's eat, it'll make me feel better". A hard habit to break indeed, but one that I feel confident I'm well on my way to breaking and replacing with better habits.


I honestly feel thoroughly great and thoroughly proud of myself, and I'm excited to think about where I'll be in a month's time, six month's time... how much weight will I lose in total? what dress size will I end up? I can't wait to find out! Over two stone down (since August) , I'm now a size 16 and two waistline inches down (since starting Live Online). Wonderful!

But more than anything, I'm thrilled with how good I feel about myself, how my self-confidence is increasing all the time. Regardless of my external appearance, internally I have a lot more respect for myself. I feel worthwhile.


Man, this has to be the longest blog I've ever written. For which I apologise. If anyone's still reading this, which I doubt! But while I'm here, today's food diaries...

BREAKFAST 7.30am
Muesli with fruit and nuts, with 2% greek yogurt
Glass of skimmed milk

MID-MORNING
Few nibbly pieces of dried mango and pineapple

LUNCH 12pm
Ramen with pork, greens, bamboo shoots and some noodles (gave most of the noodles to the baby).
Couple of thin slices of chicken breast with katsu (curry sauce) (nicked from the baby's lunch), plus edamame beans and japanese pickles.
Glass of raw juice (apple, orange, cucumber and carrot).
Frozen watermelon.

EARLY SUPPER 5pm
2 x pitta with roast chicken and tzatiki. Cherry tomatoes

LATE NIGHT SUPPER! 10pm
Toasted cheese and pesto sandwich on wholegrain seeded bread.
Small handful macadamia nuts and wasabi peas.

And that's all from me tonight. Promise. Lots of love xxx

Wow, I can't believe it. I'd been avoiding no-carbs day all week (part of my Live Online homework) because I was convinced that:
1) I'd be starving hungry (I really wasn't)
2) It would be too difficult (actually, it was fine. the only hard part was lunchtime having to feed the baby a tasty-looking roll and not being able to snaffle any myself)
3) I wouldn't find anything to eat (again, surprisingly easy).

but actually it was great! I actually hate to admit it, but I feel particularly good today, all light and full of energy. I usually have a massive energy slump at some point during a day, but not today, I could just keep on bouncing.

to be honest, I'm tempted to go carb-free more often... the big problem I have (as much as I love him) is my husband, Mr. Carbi-Carnivore (only eats carbs and meat, absolutely no veg or fruit). It's hard enough cooking for him at the best of times... hmmm, have to think of a way around that one.

here's what I ate on my carb-free day:

BREAKFAST
the now traditional breakfast of 2 eggs, scrambled with cheese and mustard.
big glass skimmed milk

MID-MORNING
decaff latte and some fresh pineapple

LUNCH (out for my nana's birthday)
Breasola with butternut squash, rocket and parmesan
Peri-peri chicken salad with chorizo and leaves, plus several scoops of my daughter's cabbage, leeks and peas.

MID-AFTERNOON
resisted the birthday cake! just had a fennel tea instead.
later, had a handful of apple rings.

SUPPER - Indian with friends (seem to be eating out so much at the moment)
Lamb shashlick (grilled lamb chunks with pepper, onion and tomato)
Spinach, okra and some green salad, plus mint yoghurt sauce.

Actually a really great day. A great day without carbs. Fancy that! I'm so so so surprised!

That duck is still quacking away, but it's fine. Everytime a negative thought pops into my head, I think "It's OK, it's just the duck ". And then I laugh at it (great advice, thank you Pete).

In particular, I repeat what the duck said but in a stupid, boring drony voice, and then it's impossible for me to take the duck seriously, I just laugh it off. (To be exact, I repeat the duck 's words in the same drab monotone as my economics lecturer from uni. He'd take the podium, start talking and I'd immediately drift off... I couldn't take in anything he said. So, thank you Mr. Dull Lecturer, you are now the voice of my duck, and it works perfectly.

So, I can still hear the duck , but it no longer bothers me.

Going to try the no-carb day today. Oh boy. Although I'd forgotten I'm out for lunch for my nana's birthday today, so that's going to be a bit of a challenge. Well, we'll just see what's on the menu...

had a completely fantastic food day yesterday, here's the diary:

BREAKFAST
2 x eggs, scrambled with cheddar and mustard (going through a huge scrambled eggs stage, seem to be eating them most mornings, must try and eat something else if only for my cholesterol levels), with cherry tomatoes

LUNCH
2 x homemade wraps with chicken, humous, avocado and yellow pepper

EARLY AFTERNOON
cup of tea (and NO CAKE, I was at a tea party but just didn't fancy any, yay)

LATE AFTERNOON
big handful of apple rings, macadamia nuts and cashews

SUPPER
Pappadelle with olive sauce and parmesan.

Feeling great. Onwards! Come on no-carb day, let's do this...