Weight Loss Journals - petecohen.tv

I've been thinking about something Pete said on the online course last night. I admitted to not really knowing what I want. I would "like" to be a stone lighter and feel even better than I do BUT I don't know that I REALLY "want" it enough.

I've been the same weight since last August after initially losing 2 stone on the programme. I just seem to have settled.

most of the time I eat sensibly using all the tools but sometimes I don't. this coupled with recent stresses has probably kept my weight stable.

The problem is I FEEL good - think my tummy's too big, but other than that I'm MUCH happier than I've ever been, in control of my eating, know I'll NEVER overeat like I used to again, in touch with my emotions and understand what my body needs.

Also I LOVE exercise! I love the buzz I get from this and know I'll never give it up. It isn't possible for me to do anymore - I'm at the gym Monday-Friday and do a dance class every sunday PLUS I teach on my feet and do choreography for up to 9 hours a week!!! Not bad for someone with a back problem eh?? In fact to be honest I think I may have been doing a little too much recently, especially after that recent podcast with Jason about stressing your body.

So where do I go from here? I just Keep Going I think. I was wondering if I should leave the programme and take a break - but take a break from what? My life? I LOVE blogging, keeping up with you lot and learning the lastest stuff that Pete has for us. i just don't feel driven enough to cut down further on my eating, carbs, etc etc BUT I "wish" I could - I guess it's down to being scared of the "dieting" mentality and I REALLY don't want to go there again.

Having read the thing that I wrote about self sabotage I DO think I've uncovered what's been stopping me and I DO think I've dealt with it. So what am I going to do? I'm going to relax!! I KNOW I'm not scared of losing weight anymore but I'm not going to drive myself into the floor either!

I'm just going to keep going, keep "doing the do" and see what happens. Maybe constantly overthinking it is my problem!?

So today I'm off to the gym this morning for resistance. I have a back appointment at lunchtime and then hubs and I are going out for a carvery lunch - going to have turkey!

Tonight we're having steak baguettes with onions and mushroom followed by slices of melon.

That's all for now folks... M xx

Very busy day yesterday doing things that I enjoy - so that was nice!

Had a facial first things in the morning, got home and smelled spring in the air so decided to mow lawns. Mowed ours and Mum's and she came out to thank me. Hubs was in the garden with me and I told her about Gran. She passed on her condolences and said all the right things to HUBS!!! This is the first time they've spoken since before christmas. I was hugely relieved and massively grateful to him for this. I know how much it took as I know how much she's hurt him. We had a short conversation of the sort that I'm hoping will continue, it was polite, and just enough to maintain contact and for us all to feel that there's a line of communication open again. I have no intention of pursuing our previous relationship which involved long talks in her house and listening to all her bigotry and judgements - those days are over. But I'm REALLY relieved that hubs and her have spoken, especially as the Spring is here as I don't want to have to worry about stepping out into our own garden!

Had a lovely lunch! One slice of seeded bread toasted and smeared with red onion and garlic chutney topped with grated cheese and grilled, served with a deliciously sweet sliced apple - GORGEOUS!

Decided to scrap the gym as I was STILL aching from Tuesday's activities but we did go on to clean the house. Most satisfying - I love doing this as hubs does the hoovering whilst I clean and dust and my eldest comes home and mops all the floors (he gets paid for this!). Also washed bedding and so everything felt spick and span by 4pm. Inbetween I managed to make a couple of chicken, ham and mushroom pies and prep the veg for tea.

Fell out with my new doormat so dashed out across the street to buy a new one and came back with a new throw cushion for my bed - it all looks LOVELY now!

Hub's aunt rang to say Gran's funeral is next Wednesday so we're getting mentally prepared for that and have decided not to take the boys.

Dived in the bath, my lovely Cuz came for tea and then did the online course with Pete.

I love days like this - highly productive and enjoyable with a real sense of achievement at the end of it WITHOUT feeling stressed or exhausted!

Been aching since yesterday actually. Think having 3 days off from the gym and Zumba has really made me go into shock when reintroducing the exercise - can't believe the difference and also how much tension I'm carrying in my shoulders again - when we went to Llangollen I was completely relaxed. Perhaps it's because my back appointment's due - been having a few vice gripping headaches too this last couple of days.

Roll on thursday then I can get manipulated again!!

Today's food's been hummous , peppers and oatcakes for lunch (toast and smoothy for breakfast) and bangers, mash and beans for tea followed by grapes.

Tonight's workshops went brilliantly at the Primary - happy to say we're well on target for the Summer production - think these'll be the most polished I've done to date! :-)

Right I'm off now to get in my pjs and chill by the telly!

See you tomorrow at the superfans session if you're about!!?

yesterday my youngest had what I thought was a routine back appointment in order to get a referral for some physio. I was devestated to find out that he has a back condition that isn't going to improve and he will have to be monitored and xrayed every 12 months. If the situation deteriorates then it could mean surgery - he's only 11...

He has remained unphased and just accepts that he's limited to what he can do with physical activity and he's not particularly athletic anyway thank goodness! Glad it's not my eldest - he'd be REALLY upset.

I've had a chat with the school and a long talk to him and I think we've got a plan in order to move forward. He's going to get physio so should be able to manage it himself via home exercises and medication when necessary.

It could have been a lot worse I suppose...

This left me feeling a bit battered but I had to pull myself together for work.
After last week's very stressful secondary workshops I was prepared to within an inch of my life and the kids didn't have time to look up, let alone get up to anything. All workshops went without a hitch.

Had ham sandwich and pea and ham soup for lunch and spaghetti with meatballs for tea with salad and a tiny bit of garlic bread followed by melon. Have to confess to hitting the ice-cream last night...

She died peacefully yesterday morning.

Hubs has been sad but not upset as it has been a welcome relief considering.

Had a great birthday away with FAR too much to eat, got lots of lovely pressies and was spoilt with a lovely meal on Friday from Cuz and ex.

Yesterday took hubs out to school shoe (or boat!!?) shop for my eldest - served as a distraction. Best friend took us out for ANOTHER meal last night. Wore my new red dress, put my hair in a beehive, complete with black eyelinder and knee high cream patent leather boots - fresh out of the 60s - should be ok because I was too young to wear that fashion the first time around!!! lol!

Won't be eating now till tomorrow! ;-)

Spending today pottering, snuggling with boys, food shopping, washing car, reading mags, walking in the sunshine and making pea and ham soup for the time when I am actually hungry again!!!!

Yesterday was great. Spent most of the day choreographing THREE different numbers and now realised that I only have one more number to choreograph for all four of my productions! It seems to be coming to me so easily - how fantastic is that?? Now I can really concentrate on my dance workshops after Easter and I can't wait to get started now that I've found the music. I can't believe I'm doing this - dance used to be a real sticking point with me!

Everywhere was aching yesterday, especially my bum!! But it felt good and it was at 5.30pm last night I persuaded myself to sit down and RELAX for half an hour!! Both boys had friends for tea so we all had a lovely time and a good laugh around the table and then I had a chill out in front of the telly with each of the boys. My youngest watched Becoming Jane with me and cuddled me through the tears and then my eldest held my hand through Desperate Housewives!! lol! They're a joy...

Had rather an emotional blip last night - must be the birthday blues! Obviously all recent events come back to me at a time like this. Was going to blog it all out but just commented on Sue's blog so she's got it all!! Don't want to regurgitate!!

Anyhow, after another blip this morning I've pulled myself together with the help of hubs and Sue and I'm looking forward to a great day.

Got a lovely teapot from my youngest, a leopard print scarf from my eldest, a GORGEOUS cardi, earring and a beautiful orchid from my hubs, just received a pair of beautiful earring from my best friend, other best friend bought me a leopard print mug and a gorgeous red dress! And there's more pressies to come tomorrow! ;-)

Giving the gym a miss today as I'm decidedly creaky, just about to go in the bath, then a massage from hubs, a lunch at a lovely pub on the side of the River Dee IN THE SUNSHINE - YAY! And then off to Llangollen for dinner and an overnight stay at a lovely hotel and spa.

Tomorrow after a cooked breakfast we'll spend the day mooching around Llangollen and walking down the river and lunching over the top of a water wheel. Then we're back home for dinner with hubs, cuz and my boys.

I'm SUCH a lucky girl!!

Still no news on Gran...

Feeling much better today! :-) Workshops went very well last night and I've prepped next Mondays and found a new idea for the one year 9/10 production still "under construction" that I think is "cool" enough for them!

Highly productive day yesterday actually. With the exception of a 45 minute zumba session which was BRILLIANT I didn't stop work from 6.50am to 6.50pm!!! But it was all huge fun. Spent most of the day dancing and on choreography - endorphins were REALLY flowing by the time I got to the workshops - just goes to show what FUN exercise can do! I was VERY hungry and ate when my body told me to WITHOUT guilt! Even had some chips and a cream egg last night without conscience. Realising now that on physical days like yesterday I really NEED carbs! The chips were fab, the egg ok.

Found myself preaching to a friend who is STILL going to weight watchers and has returned AGAIN after a recent weight gain (that's where we met - I was her leader!) but I've recommended the site and I'm hoping Pete will do the rest - via the videos and podcasts.

Having toast and smoothie for breakfast as I'm going to the gym shortly and then intend to spend the morning doing some choreography - I've downloaded some music yesterday and I'm SO excited about putting together my dance class! It's great as this time, if I hear music I love I don't have to worry about lyrics and it's relevance in order to crow bar it into a production. I can just do steps and DANCE! I've even started to identify genres - found myself telling hubs that The Noisettes Don't Upset the Rythm was a Cha Cha Cha "darling" lol!!!

For lunch it's Salad Nicoise and for tea it's egg, bacon, mushrooms and tomatoes followed by slices of melon.

Looking forward to tomorrow as it's MY BIRTHDAY!!! YAY!!

Not the size 12 I wanted to be but couldn't be more together with lots to look forward to...

Hugely stressful workshop last night with year 7/8. Discipline seems to have fallen away completely and I ended up shouting again which I HATE! Also it was a wind up as the hall wasn't ready when I got there so had to spend the first 15 minutes of the session setting it up! Grrrrr!!! Have texted parents this morning enlisting support and resolved to speak to them properly next week - even planned it into the workshop. Need to get tough...

Today hubs is very upset. Can't believe Gran has held on so long and is worried that it's torture for her. I can't even imagine what he's going through and am at a loss as to what to do to help him. Can't do distraction today and yesterday as I'm working and to be honest my shoulders are under my ears now with all this stress! Going to Zumba in a little while and then choreographing some dance moves for tonight's workshops so hoping that'll bring me down a notch or two!?

Food today is yoghurt, smoothie and toast for breakfast (remembered to eat after last week's attempt at Zumba without food!). For lunch it's cheese and mushroom omelette and for tea it's chicken, bacon and peas in a mushroom sauce topped with mashed carrots and parsnips followed by sliced melon.

Hope tonight's workshops go smoother....

Just another Monday prepping workshops. Been looking for new ideas for my KS1 kids as I'm drying up and want to keep them interested - actually got some drama textbooks out (hardly ever used!) but still not very inspired!?

Got the older kids workshops sorted though and tea of cottage pie topped with celeriac, swede and sweet potato defrosting ready to go in oven whilst at work.

Will go to the gym this morning, have ham and cottage cheese salad for lunch and then meditate and bathe ready for work later.

Still no news on Gran so just getting on with life in the interim....

SHOULD HAVE POSTED THIS ONE YESTERDAY!!?? DOH!

I've been thinking recently about how, like Ayesha and many of us I self sabotage sometimes. I've been thinking about my associations with being slim and as I've suspected I think I've come up with a couple of reasons that I DON'T WANT TO BE SLIM!!

The first time I was slim was for my marriage to my ex. I attracted a lot of unwanted attention from creepy guys. i so drastically cut my calories that it was completely unsustainable and three weeks after the wedding I'd regained a stone. Association - non sustainable and letches.

Second time I was slim I got pregnant again - association - non-sustainable.

Third time I got slim I attracted a LOT of attention. My marriage broke down and I was miserable. Association - misery and letches - shallow men.

Associations with being slim....

Negative - Letches, relationship break up, assumption that I'm stupid (blonde bimbo), miserable, invisible because I look like the masses, women don't speak to me because I get too much (unwanted) attention, people assume you don't struggle with a weight problem and can't empathise with them, they assume you're vacuous and shallow also it's unsustainable.

Positive - healthier, wear anything, more comfortable, lighter and more energised. Tole model to children, both mine and those I teach.

Starting to see why I unconsciously sabotage!!!!! Starting to wonder how to turn this around but I guess identifying this is a start.

Just been talking to hubs and I have to admit I'm scared that if I get slim I'll go off with someone else - becuase this is what happened last time. BUT I was in an unhappy marriage - i'd got slim to get him interested but it didn't work for him - just seemed to work for every other male!!! As you know I adore my hubs, there is NOTHING missing from my marriage so I would never stray - I need to recognise this - actually I think just talking about it with him and writing it down here has helped to remove what is actually FEAR. Perhaps it's the attention I don't like - perhaps I won't get it next time as I'm 8 years older now!!?? Anyhow - I never go anywhere without hubs now and if I do any attention repulses me AND no-one could come close to hubs.

With regard to being vacuous - I don't have a duck now so DON'T CARE what others think of me! With regard to the empathy - If I start to practise as a Life Coach then this would be disproved immediately. I also think visibly having tackled an obvious issue like weight loss would actually inspire women - there's always "before" photographs as evidence.

I rather like my fat as it sets me apart from the masses. I always like being voluptuous. I have to admit though - now it just makes me look old and matronly. This negative should be easy to let go.

And finally it WON'T be unsustainable this time as I'm NOT on a diet!! It will be a natural side effect of a lifestyle I love that is associated with pleasure - as Pete says "use pleasure as your ally".

I think I may just have lifted some serious stuff. let's see how I get on and I hope that this exercise may help some of you too!

Had a hectic day yesterday. My eldest son had his friend to sleep over on Friday so the place was a mess. Had to do the sergeant major routine with them both to get the place back to normal - but it was done good naturedly as they'd had a good time and thanks to me nagging had had a good night's sleep. My eldest had a hair appointment at noon and MY GOD he's gorgeous. He's just 14 years old, 5'9" with size 11 feet and drop dead gorgeous - I keep stopping myself from thinking about when he falls in love for the first time. At the moment he's breaking hearts but completely oblivious, bless him!

We did a Tesco run and came back to a roof repairer who couldn't take his eyes off my chest!! It's a long time since I remember wanting to shout "I'm up here if you don't mind!" Wouldn't have minded but I wasn't wearing anything low cut but I DID have a thick black belt on which must have made them more noticable!! Hubs thought it hilarious and actually seemed rather proud! lol!

We decided to go out for a Thai meal last night and in the spirit of distraction had a glass of rose and did some salsa dancing in the kitchen before we went. Had a drink in a couple of pubs before the meal - I had vodka and coke in each of them and started to feel quite woozy quite quickly so was glad to eat.

Lovely meal of mixed starters and duck with noodles - ate far to much (probably because squiffy) but only had one more glass of wine. At 9.30pm I simply had to go home to bed!! Gee I'm a party animal! lol!

I've noticed I've been carrying LOADS of tension in my shoulders recently, odd as I don't feel stresssed. Ihave to remind myself to relax as I can feel the tension building up - it must be the way I'm carrying myself. Hubs has suggested numerous times to try my old pillow again as I got one of those memory foam ones and still wake up with back and shoulder stiffness. I did this last night and woke up relaxed! yay!! I think the alcohol relaxed me properly and the old flat pillow did the rest. Marvellous!

Feeling rested today and in spite of not being able to afford to spend anymore money we've borrowed a car and are off to take advantage of a lovely local restaurant that we can't afford on a Saturday! They do stupidly priced sunday lunches so we're going to treat ourselves.

May have a mooch around Oswestry this afternoon before coming back for salsa later.

Still no news about Gran but I think the distraction tactics are working. Whilst he's still sad I actually think he's done his grieving although he'll obviously be upset I think the worst is over for him now. We've done a lot of talking and he's had some dodgy dreams but I think he's working through it.

Will catch up with everyone soon. Hugs and stuff....xx

We took an impulsive decision to spend the day in Shrewsbury on Friday. Further distraction tactics combined with some Birthday shopping for me.

Took the 10am bus and got to Shrewsbury hungry and it wasn't 11am yet! Went to Cafe nero and had a cappucino and a granola bar to put me on till lunch. Had a wonderful morning shopping in the posh shops in the old fashioned section of the town. Got some beautiful earrings from hubs and used some birthday money to buy a fabulous necklace.

Ate lunch in one of our fav cafes, had a lamb shank in minted gravy and asked for extra veg but no potatoes. Didn't finish it all but what I had was lovely.

Carried on shopping in the high street shops then and after trying on numerous tops bought a lovely cream one with ruffled neckline to go with my harem pants and cream harem beaded slippers - this will be the outfit I wear on my birthday evening. Hubs is taking me away for the night to a gorgeous hotels/spa in Llangollen - we've got an amazing deal because it's midweek - just £100 for dinner, bed and breakfast!!! Amazing what lastminute.com can do!

Halfway through the afternoon we went for coffee and cake. I had another cappucino and some carrot cake. It was delicious and homemade etc but the CRASH I had coming out of the cafe was incredible. it must have been the frosting - I just wanted to lie down on the pavement and sleep! I listened to my body and went and had a glass of water and fresh orange juice in cafe Nero and just sat until I recovered. Great to know that IF I LISTEN my body will tell me exactly what to do. :-)

Before getting the bus home we went and enjoyed a half price cocktail and nibbles in a posh hotel during happy hour - very nice - just £3.50 for an Appletini and some salted popcorn - lovely!

Got home and spent the evening with the boys and had an early night.

Today is a sad day. Although Gran's still with us it's only just. We think today will be the day she leaves us. We're here and waiting for the phonecall...

We decided not to clean yesterday afternoon as after all the food prep including last night's dinner and today's lunch I was exhausted! Mind you I did manage a gym visit and discussed a potential venue to set up a practice as a Life Coach. I qualified five years ago but have never practised as the drama took over and to be honest I felt so "at odds" with myself it seemed hypocritical to help others!

But now, thanks to this programme I'm thinking differently. This coupled with the gym being taken over by a new owner (one of the girls who manages it) may just be an opportunity to stick my toe in the water. It's a female gym so it's a good target market and it means I don't have to see clients in my own home. I'm giving it some thought. But first, I need to set up a dance class for after Easter!

We've done the housework this morning and a cloud of doom and gloom has just descended. I'm ashamed to say I got a bit naggy with hubs earlier to that's just added to the atmosphere - I apologized but feel bad. I guess we're BOTH feeling it and reacting in different ways.

Today's food is nuts, seeds, yoghurt and smoothie for breakfast followed by banana. For lunch it's hummous and crudites and for tea it's celery soup and fish fingers with salad for me and fish finger and lettuces baps for the boys.

Hope you all have a good day. xx

Well it's been like a food factory in my house this morning! I almost forgot to eat breakfast I was so immersed in cooking. I LOVE cooking, it's SO theraputic.

Today I've made one pot dishes that can be frozen and then just put in the oven by one of the boys whilst I'm doing my workshops. This way it's all ready to serve when I get home from work. It's 7pm you see so more than late enough for the boys to eat. For next Monday and Tuesday I've done a cottage pie topped with mashed celeriac, swede and sweet potato and chicken, bacon and peas in a mushroom sauce topped with pureed parsnips and carrots. Just waiting for them to cool then I can pop them in the freezer. It's a lovely feel to be so organised and the great thing is I've got the veg cooked and frozen before it's sat around for days losing it's goodness. Also all the meat I've used, although good quality has been reduced so all of this has cost very little too.

For breakfast I had a banana and a handful of nuts, seeds and dried fruit, for lunch we're having a slice of black pudding topped with a poached egg and served with mushrooms, onions and cooked tomatoes - yum! For tea tonight I'm doing a roast beef dinner with roasted parsnips and carrots, served with yorkshire pudding and gravy. Dessert will be sliced apples and oranges.

This afternoon I'm going to do some housework so that excuses me from a gym visit today I think! Not creaking anymore but don't want to overdo it - if I'm not exhausted when I finish I may pop over there later.

No news about Gran yet and managing to keeps hubs busy. Sue you had us BOTH in tears after yesterday's comment - thank you so much, it REALLY helped him. Ayesha thanks for your words of encouragement - you're right! I AM doing a fantastic job at the moment! And yes, I will keep it up - it feels SO GOOD!

Had a bit of a lightbulb this morning. I've been working very hard through meditation on dealing with the issues with my sister. It's my brother in laws birthday today and I've taken a decision to not send him a card. I simply don't want any contact. But today I've had a revelation. Today I feel no malice, I wish them all well and hope that they'll be very happy. I have let go of my hurt and anger but I don't want to clasp them to my bossom either!!! To me they are just people I know, like neighbours or acquaintances, I wish them no harm but don't want to spend time with them as they are simply not my type of people.

I REALLY hope this feeling lasts and if she visits again it won't fill me with the terror it did last time.

Making progress and it's feeling good....

Oh! Decided what to do on mother's day. After much "churning" decided that I'll get the boys and hubs to serve me a pre-prepared (by myself!) lunch and help my little one to bake us all a cake. We'll take a slice of cake round to mother's with her pressie, spend a little time and then get off to go bowling or see a film. This way we've included her, done something for her but don't have to spend a lot of time with her listening to all her "stuff" or opinions. Also means we can enjoy the day and do something different rather than spending a lot of money on mediocre food out and two bored boys! Sorted!

Have a good day ya'll!! xx

Well today I'm creaking in every muscle! I think it must have been yesterday's gym session - maybe I was showing off a little too much in front of the old ladies!? lol!

Can't believe I went to bed last night excited about cottage cheese and beetroot for today's lunch!? I wasn't hungry or anything but I'd got my fav cottage cheese in AND I adore beetroot - I guess it's the little things that make a difference.

Thank you to those of you that left hubs kind remarks yesterday - he sends his thanks and took comfort from all that you said. Sue, I WAS aware that he and his Gran would remind you of you and your grandson. After all it's a similar scenario, his mother was a young one and his Gran helped to raise him. After his mother's death when he was only 24 (she was 45) he stayed on to nurse his Gran through three strokes and then his aunt through terminal cancer. He's a wonderful man and SO kind, that's why my mother's lies and accusations have cut so deep with us both.

She called round yesterday with some mail and we had a chat on the doorstep about her recent London trip. It was ok, I was polite, she was polite, guess this is how it's going to be and I'm ok with that. Just got to put it down to age, forgive her and move on with limited contact. Hubs' is struggling to do this but I'm optimistic

There's no news on Gran yet so we're just biding time until the inevitable. Fortunately work has dominated both today and yesterday so I'm going to have to get a packed programme in tomorrow to distract him further.

Yesterday went well with the workshops although they were all very tiring for some reason. Guess it's just that it's all be so emotionally draining - teaching drama is VERY emotionally draining (as well as exhilerating sometimes!) so maybe there wasn't much left in the tank after this last couple of days.

Food was good though. Did a chicken soup for lunch as too cold for salad. Only ate half of it as full. Then for tea had the cabbage lasagne and didn't feel at all deprived - had a small taste of the pasta one but it tasted claggy! Finished off with grapes and an orange - loving the naval oranges at the moment. Had a couple of squares of dark chocolate but didn't need them and gave one away - who is this woman??? :-)

Today went to Zumba this morning on an empty stomach as didn't have time for breakfast - how stupid am I??? Started to flag after just 25 minutes and came back exhausted instead of energised - lesson learned. For lunch had a sald of baby leaves with balsamic dressing topped with chopped beetroot and cottage cheese - yum! For tea it's chicken breast stuffed with black pudding and wrapped in bacon served alongside broccoli and cauliflower cheese - can't wait!

Looking forward to the workshops tonight now I've prepped them. Doing the Jabberwocky as performance poetry in my Confidence Club first - I LOVE this poem - can't wait to see how the children interpret it.

That's all for now folks, off to meditate and then for a bath before my workshops.

Enjoy the rest of your day :-)