Weight Loss Journals - petecohen.tv

Hi all

Sorry I have not been around the last week, just been so exhausted

I have been accepted to run for local councellor in the next local election

Last week I was ill, tonsillitis – felt naff all week
I feel exhausted & run down after the last week

Focusing on getting healthy again now

Since fri been seeing my friend each day. We had a party for her going to oz on sat
We had dinner before we went
The food was all deep fried Malaysian food – I had 1 samosa – the grease just turned my stomach

She had a good time & lots of drunk hugging – the guys all found very funny

We also did her a book of photos over the last 15yrs of all our nights out

I am on my 3rd litre of water today – rather dehydrated with all the crying over the last 4days

I really thought I would panic, I have not at all. Even hubby thought I would on sat as he drove, so he said he could take me home straight away. I was fine all nite

I have not even felt the need to binge, even with all the crying

Just shows how far I have come as I 'did not do what I have always done'

Loads of her family did not recognise me as the last time they saw me I was 4 stone heavier

We went to the gym Sunday – first time this year for me. I have been doing stuff at home
Hubby is in training now for London to Brighton bike ride

We went shopping mon & brought all fresh meat & veg

We are not having wine in the week now

I am starting day 1 tomoz
Focusing on
Relaxing this week
Being kind to myself
Exercise
Eating slowly

Just booked my tickets for vitality show on the sat - cant wait to meet everyone in person

Have a good week all

Sorry I was not around last week
I just felt like I would be blogging the same things

I was run down & tired last week, this seems to be when the duck is worse
My boss upset me twice too

My God daughters parents are splitting up after 5yrs together as he told her he has never loved her & thought he wanted to be a dad but does not – my god daughter is 15months old.

I was at hers most evenings last week, going to be rough few months
I went through this with my best friend 2 years ago but no kids involved then

For some reason yesterday I broke down in tears, (hysterically crying I was) kept saying to hubby I am useless & he would be better to divorce me!

He told me to shut up & he new I was a useless housewife but still married me!! (trying to make me laugh)
He said he not going anywhere & is not the same as those guys. We will get through anything together

I guess watching my best friends go through break ups made me question that I take him for granted & is he happy
When my friends all thought they were happy until their partners say they are not or having an affair

I feel like things are too good to be true, that we can truly be happy & not live in each others pockets

Then I feel guilty I even thought are tarring him with the same brush

So we had lovely day yesterday, layin till midday
I dropped him to the pub to watch the rugby & I went shopping.
When we got back spent the evening in the kitchen – no tv – meant we talked more than we have in weeks
We had pink champagne
Scallops
Seafood chowder
Chocolate tart

It was a lovely evening, just talking in general
Rather than talking about everyone else

I was meant to have my council panel selection tonight – it has been put off until next week – I am glad as not feeling like I can sell myself at the moment

This week
RELAX
Eating natural foods – meal plan tonight
Exercise
Eating slowly

Thank you so much to my to you all

Pete I really ache today – really good exercise session
The slower you exercise the more it hurts the next day

Thanks sally – I wish my mum could see how happy I am, not the girl who would not leave the house for months or go out for dinner for years as I thought people watched me
The hell I put my poor parents through
I remember having party for my 18th as I had got to 7stone
Then another party for my 21st as docs had told my mum the eating disorders would kill & my body would give up & I would not see 21

I have just had my 31st bday

Only since meeting Pete in june have I finally tackled all my issues.
It was not about me being over weight or underweight. I just never had any confidence in myself

It is about being kind to yourself & self worth that you deserve the best, whether that is good friends or healthy food

When I was 5&half stone I was not happy, when I was 14 stone I was not happy

Take one day at time, be the best you can that day (I sound like Pete now)
Before you know it weeks & months have gone by

I have found not thinking too far ahead, setting daily achievable goals is the great thing about this programme
You feel I met the goals yesterday, I will today too

We all deserve to be happy & healthy

I still struggle with the duck , it has been there for 25yrs, he is slowly shutting up

Again thank all soo much

Cherry

Right - I am day 2

The duck was hiding my motivation.
When we were out sunday, I said I could not play an arcade game with my nephew
Hubby said thats the duck again
My nephew asked why I keep talking about a duck!!

I will go through to day 21 & listen to each one while NOT doing anything else - I will lay on the spare bed & listen
This is what I did when I first started

Last the 2x 21days I have had the speakers on but wander off to the other room or have facebook on at the same time

I have not listened past day 12 either

I wont get to be where I want to be by sept if I Keep Going like this - no exercise

It is only me that can change my path, but with help from Pete & you all

I am going to learn to relax again this week & breath - I talk too quick all the time as Pete tells me - I can talk for england

Very funny at ww last night - I had a same thing on I always wear - long jumper - put a belt round it & everyone said I have lost loads
NO I have changed my shape with exercise & I actually weigh more than I did before xmas
I am ok with it, I understand my body more now.

One lady has started & wants to lose 2 stone in 8 weeks - 3 & half lbs a week at least she wants to loose - she was 12stone now
Thank god we all know a better way now

I have cooked each night this week
mon - tuna steaks
tues - turkey stir fry
tonight - chicken & something!

I am having falafel pittas for lunch at the moment - loving them
My best mates boyfriend is veggie - when we got back drunk on sat nite, that was all she had in
Friends stopped for chips & kebabs & just the smell of grease turned my stomach + all the vodka & shots we had drunk

I am still really struggling to be motivated to exercise
I will do resistance in front of the tv tonight as I was over the summer - hubby would get really annoyed with me

Goals for this week
exercise, I really want to go swimming sat or sun
Eating slowly
No wine in the week - none so far
Eating heathily

I really have not been focused & thinking I wont be really until my friend has gone
I have said to her I want to see her as much as possible, so like fri she will call me last min.

I would never forgive myself if I said no to seeing her to go to the gym.

I am just going to do my best until 2 march when she goes
I am putting to much pressure on myself to do everything as usual

I need to start relaxing too more

All my plans went out the window at the weekend - I feel like a failure

Fri - my best mate said they would come up for drink - she knows how worried I am her going to australia with him as I have only met him a few times
Hence did not have time to do my DVD

Sat - had an unplanned lyin - neither of us or the cat woke up till 10am
Went shopping
Said we would go the gym 3ish
I started tidying the kitchen, decided to clean a cupboard door, then once I had done 1 I had to do the other 12
Also clean the fronts of fridge/freezer & washing machine
Then cleaned the kitchen floor & wooden floors downstairs
I had the music on & must knocked the oven clock as it was off
So the next thing I know it is 5:30

I think I had done more cleaning than I would have in the gym to be honest

went to my dads for a chinese for his bday, I did not eat much - it all tasted soo greasy to me
I prefer the chinese we go to near our house

Had a girls nite out sat, it was good. But 3 girls cancelled at the last min
So that was out last nite out - we have all been friends for 15yrs, been through so much all of us

One of our friends is going to do a scrap book for her to take, we are all going to write messages to her/about her

I have increased the amount of fruit I am eating
I have done meal plans for this week, so far both in each nite this week

Goals for this week
relaxing
exercising when I can
eating fresh food as much as possible
enjoy spending time with my friend rather than panicking how I will cope when she is gone

have a good week all

cherub

Sorry I have not been around this week – gutted I missed wed session
Our router blew up & had to wait for a new one

I am going watch all the resource sections again tonight & tomoz

I must say I have noticed I have been guessing portion size again, enough pasta to feed 4 people just for 2 of us.
I will be back to weighing tonight

Hubby has been offered an internal job but not the one he has been doing for a year
He said he feels like it is a demotion & do they really want him – I said see you have a duck too – he did not find that funny really

Feeling better about my friend moving to Australia, me & her sister are organising a huge party for her. It saves her trying to fit in seeing everyone before she goes

We have a girls nite out tomoz – so far they are all coming. I will be livid if they all pull out again

Food wise not too bad this week. I had a bottle of cider I made last 2 nites

I used EA active on the wii & davina kit boxing wed night
Today I feel fed up. I NEED to pick myself up

Booked a photoshoot in London with a friend in march
I want to shift 8lbs by then & back to the weight I was in September
It is my thunder thighs that really get to me down, they look like tree trunks
I guess we all have something we hate about ourselves

Resistance training at home tonight
Swimming tomoz

My focus for next week
Find my motivation over the weekend
Keep the duck at bay
exercise
eating slowly
eating natural foods, buy most of tesco's fruit & veg tonight
Write meal plans for next on Sunday, stick to them

Have a good weekend all

Thank you for the bday messages

My birthday was not great thanks to my dad – spent half the day in tears
Had a nice massage in the morning
He said he would take my sister & me out for lunch
Then my grandparents invited themselves, my dad got pissed off
Then he said we can only have soup & I cant have wine as his wife was coming & she is on a strict diet, so not fair if we eat a normal meal infront of her

I told him not to bother & put the phone down
Then he called later & said she was going to stay at home, so he might as well met us
I just thought for once he could have put us 1st

Had 2 panic attacks after the last 10days, I would have been daily before the programme
With hubby having to reapply for his job
My best mate moving to australia
Then my dad being an arse on my bday

Food wise has been sooo crap this week
Eaten chocolate, cakes
Mcdonalds
Chinese on my bday
Lots of alcohol
Not much exercise, I have brought the new davina dvd – watched it with a glass of wine – wont do that when I actually use it

Had sat night out with my best mate, pics on fb – she is the one with long blonde hair
She is soo happy all the time
She knows how devastated I am she is going, lots of drunken tears on sat night
We are going to organise a leaving do as she does not go until the 2nd march now as her ex is being an arse, so she has to sort all that out & delayed her flight by 2weeks


I feel like I have put loads on this week, feel sluggish. All my clothes are really tight
I know it is to do with the lack of exercise, I cant get motivated when I am soo tired & not sleeping well

This week
Eating slowly
Find my motivation & feel as good as I did in sept again
No wine in the week
Fresh meat & veg for dinner, plan meals
Trying to relax more

Cant make exercise class tomoz – babysitting niece & nephew

Have a good week all

Enjoyed our exercise class last night, then when I got home

My best mate told me she is moving to Australia in 2 weeks
We have been in-separable for 20yrs

I have not stopped crying since, feel sick, and can't face eating

I can't cope without her
I don't know what to do
I won't see her again for years, we are never going to be able to afford to go there

My hubby even said in his wedding speech he knows I could not live without her

She has only been with this guy 6months & he has just got his visa through & she is going too

The duck is telling me I must be such a crap friend as she can just move countries like that

I can't tell her all this, she is sooo happy

Part of me wishes I was strong enough to do something like that – I miss my sister & niece & nephew when we go away for a week

I am soo angry with the guy as he knows she has lots of family & friends & he does not & teases her for never living outside the town she was brought up in
I feel like he is proving to her she needs no one else. He does not understand close friends

I went to bed at 8.30 last night & cried all nite

I am soo scarred I will spiral into depression again

Fri – my friend from Zurich was over
I did 3 course meal – had great evening
Falafel & houmous - never had that before
Green thai prawn curry
Fruit & ww chocolate pots for dipping
+ 2 bottles of wine

She said it was soo nice to see me happy, we have not seen each other in 2yrs but we speak on facebook & on the phone regularly, she said I never sound happy

She has set me a challenge – Aug 2011 – fly to zurich on my own & swim the lake competition – she said the swim takes an hour – about 50lenghts of an Olympic pool

I did not say no – I am still thinking about it – more can we afford it – zurich is not cheap

Sat – had hangover & met sally at the spa – 2&half hours later
Hubby said if talking was an Olympic sport & I could talk for Britain
He was just glad he could play xbox all afternoon without me nagging him
Hubby cooked Chinese meal, rice & noddles
I only had 1 glass of wine

Sun – spent the day driving round to see family & not been down to hove for 2weeks due to the snow

Just thinking how I felt this time last year about to turn 30 & stone heavier
I had a brave face on, but was soo unhappy with the way I felt & looked

Booked a full body massage for my birthday on wed, then going out for lunch with dad & sister
Having a girls nite out this sat & next sat

Still not sleeping well – going to get some avena sativa today that was suggested last week

Tools this week are
Exercise, Exercise, more Exercise
Eating slowly
Relaxing

Hubby hopes he will have the interview for his own job by wed, so I maybe a bit more relaxed when we know what is going on with that
We saw his parents at the weekend – I must have looked awful & they thought I was ill, just tired
They said if the worse happens they will help us with our mortgage etc

Have a good week all

Cherub

Really enjoyed last night superfans
We are going to get a webcam soon

Got me thinking I keep raving to people how Pete has changed my life. Like Pete said last night he gave us the tools & we decided to use them, we did not have too
Patted myself on the back
I think I was ready to change & let go of my past

We all want a happier & healthier life

Feeling a lot less bloated now - I think mon/tues must have been water retention
I had put on 3inches round my waist & 7lbs in 3days, not eating any more than normal

I am drinking 5cups of green tea & 3lts of water a day at the moment

I can get back into my one pair of size 12jeans - they are a big 12, they would not do up on monday
Any other size 12's I cant get over my hips

========================

My goals for this year
Be able to go into any shop & get a size 12 - without taking 3 pairs of trousers & pray one is bigger than the other

Exercise, to enjoy it & not feel I have to do it, like I felt over the summer

Also I may get on a plane on my own - my friend from zurich suggested I go over later in the year on my own - I am thinking about it
More the money than doing it on my own - never thought I would even consider it

I want to see 10stone or less by sept - 8lbs to go. I have been between 10.3 & 10.8 for 6months
I am feeling a lot more relaxed not doing ww & getting weighed each week, I weigh myself once a month if I remember
Take my measurements each week

We go to vegas end of sept - I want to be able to walk around without getting out of breath all the time

========
I was watching my big fat diet last night
Kept going yep, I know that & that - the women found it a revelation about eating slowly & sweetners, smaller portions, more exercise
Hubby was like if you know it all why are we watching this crap - at that point he went off to game play as I had been on the computer for ages

Not sure if I will make next wed seperfans as my birthday - hubby better be taking me out or cooking something nice

On the job front - hubby is meant to have interview for his own job mid next week. Hopefully we will know by end of next week one way or the other

Have a good weekend all

cherub

At last we have some rain here - hopfully the snow will melt now
I would not mind it if I did not have to go to work - I would happily not leave the house

I have been coughing & sneezing half the night - I hope not the sign of cold coming

I was planning the gym last nite - got there & had forgotton my trainers - shows I cant remember what I need it has been so long
Luckily I had a swimsuit, went swimming for 20mins as hubby was playing badminton
I have no co-ordination to play - we have tried & I get annoyed & he gets no workout

Feeling a lot happier today
I am going to ask for the new davina dvd for my bday

Looking forward to the next few days
superfans tonight
My best friend is coming over from zurich tomoz - not seen her in 2yrs. I am thinking of cooking thai green curry or we could go to the pub - depends if her flight is on time I guess

sat - meeting sally in the spa - cant wait

Sun - My other best friend is back from 3 weeks in thailand - the longest we have ever gone without speaking to each other in 17yrs. Cant wait to find out what she did

Have a good weekend all

I feel fat & horrible today - trousers are tight, I am soo tired
Not sleeping well either
I have not exercised since last monday, but have walked to & from walk 2days this week, hardly getting my heart rate up

I did just sit on the sofa last night - my legs ached from walking on the ice
I did some streatching

We were going to the gym tonight but we have had more snow, the roads are lethal
I will see what class is on fitness tv instead

I have realised I have been having microwave meal for lunch & then meal in the evening - no wonder my trousers are tight - 2 main meals a day
I just did not think about it - going to get soup & a roll for lunch today

We have no wine or cheese in the house now - no cheese until easter now

Not much more news on hubbys job yet, they have said there will be contract project work - he will apply for that
12month contract - yes we will be in the same situation next jan but hopefully the economy has recovered a bit more by then
The managers just dont seem to know anything & he cant make decisions until he knows what the payout would be etc!!

My birthday next week, going to ask hubby to pay for a full body massage

Have a good week all

Hubby is being made redundant
I don't think he was going to tell me last night because when this happened 5yrs ago,
I went into panic mode & did not eat or sleep for weeks & was signed off work
I did NOT have panic attack last night - I think hubby was expecting me too
I feel so sick when he told me

I am in a better place this time, trying to stay calm

Why does life kick you back down to earth when I thought we were going to have a stress free year for once

He has not been happy for months anyway

He tries not to show me he is worried as he says I worry enough for the both of us

We do have redundancy cover on his part of the mortgage, friends say it is difficult to claim on

He does not even know what the package is yet, just that if he wants to apply for the new jobs created, he has to by Friday
He has to do his job & his cv & prepare for an interview in 3 days – how crap

This is my challenge to stay calm & not binge or starve for the next few months
Start exercising regularly again

I am no use to anyone when I am weak & tired

Reminding myself just because I would have always panicked before, does not mean I will this time

Hope you all have a good week & enjoy online tonight

It has taken me an 1hour to walk to work this morning – fell over once too
Good exercise I guess

Spent most of the weekend cleaning the house

Clothes are feeling tight – measured myself, put on 2inches round my waist – not amused
But I had not exercised whole of dec as I was ill
Plus I have had cheese over xmas – not had that since easter

Had a lovely evening sat, hubby cooked mussels, steak & veg, really nice bottle of red wine

Like suggested last week, to stop taking myself so seriously & worrying about what other people will think
Me & hubby went for a walk over the field yesterday – we had a snowball fight
Did snow angels & even ran a bit in the snow
I did feel silly as we were the only adults or without a dog
We had fun

I really want to get my fitness back up & get back to regular exercise
I find it hard to feel motivated to exercise in the dark evenings
I know if I don't, I will put weight back on

My focus is
healthy eating
eating slowly
exercise

cherub

Feeling down today, I think it is the weather, I said that before I never realised how the weather & everyone else being down affects me soo much more

I have always struggled with being kind to myself - feeling I dont deserve to feel good - I guess that is the duck too

I beat myself up over the smallest thing
Yesterday I left work at 1 - I really should have done some exercise at home
I sat on the sofa watching the snow - the duck telling me how fat & lazy I am
Good job we had no food in the house

Feel really guilty today as I have put on a few lbs according to the scales
Hardly like I am wearing a bikini until like june with this weather
I feel ok about the weigh gain.

Looks like I may have to walk home from work - about 45mins I think
hubby dropped me off close to work this morning

I wish the snow would sod off so I can go swimming

On a good point we have booked our flights to las vegas for september
We got married there 3yrs ago - are going back for our 3rd anniversary
Going to stay at the bellagio on our anniversary nite - the one with the fountains outside
I hope to actually enjoy it this time as last time I did not eat for 5 days & was on valium everyday
I said to hubby I will be eating this time, we will spend more!!
We are going to Lake Powell too - hubby has not been there - it will be nice to go somewhere together he has not been

I am sooo excited now, certainly was not last time - I was a nervous wreck for 6months - would not eat for days, panic attacks most nites

If we get to leave work early today I may even drag hubby over the field for a snowball fight - normally I would not even think about it as worried people would think I am stupid not having kids/dog to play with

Going to book tickets to the vitality show today too - something else to look forward too.