Weight Loss Journals - petecohen.tv

Very busy day today. Lots of walking, with a heavy bag. Knees killing me, and back so bad I can hardly stand.

Ate well and small portions. Work picking up. Lots to do.

Day 7 – Pete says to pick up momentum and keep going. Well I do Keep Going – but am not getting anywhere. Not having food wobbles and not going back to old ways.

Done all the questions about what I will get out of it – but don't find these motivational at all.

Looking at different ways to deal with the things that are not currently working. Haven't come up with any ideas yet.

Listened to day 6 today. Pete makes me laugh when he does the “ultra positive” people – they are so irritating. Pete says we need commitment, control and challenge. And to change the duck to a positive voice. I really don't have room in my head for any more talking!

We need to treat our minds with more respect. And need to focus on the tools instead of thinking of weight loss. But I am concentrating on the tools and food is all I think about because I am constantly having to ask myself if I am hungry! I am trying new things but am fed up that I am still putting on weight.

Been thinking about just giving up the programme completely. When I am not concentrating on food, I can seem to stay on an even keel. Until some real trauma hits and then I eat for comfort and put on loads.

Pete says we should enjoy the process. And maybe I could make some goals that relate to exercise or food, but not actual weight loss. I'm not sure how to do this as being fat consumes me all day every day. But I am going to give it some more thought.

Off to online session now.

Re-set my daily videos to day 5, because I finished blogging on day 4 last week.

So, the duck . He has a lot to say. And it's really hard to concentrate on getting on with my life and chores etc when he is non-stop in my ear. He never shuts up.

It's very hard. It's like a real life person standing next to me, talking all the time, when I am in the car, a meeting, at work, doing chores, and whilst I am trying to talk or listen to other people. It's a real pain. As well as thinking about food all the time at the moment.

Pete says “we are what we think”. Well I think I am great. But that does not help me become slimmer. And I can be as “positive” as I want, but it does not help other people accept me, or look at me in a good way, or get me specific jobs, or a partner.

No, I don't encourage myself as much as I would my best friend. With my best friend, I would give actual physical help. Helping to clear the house, or get a job, practice interviews, move furniture or go to the gym with her. I can't do that for myself, so it's still me on my own doing everything.

I can be my own best friend mentally, but not physically. I need real physical help.

I'm listening to the R&R CD every night. To be honest, I dread having to listen to it. I've only been doing it a week so maybe it takes longer to get into it. But I really hate lying there having to imagine the same things every night. I'd like it to be different each night. But maybe the point is to hear the same thing over and over again. Repetition to set it in my mind.

Pete asked us tonight online what we wanted. Well I still want to be slim. I want more energy and to be treated like a normal person – eg: to not be abused in the street, to be able to apply for any job in my industry and know I have a chance (which I can't with how I look now), and to be able to date again (which I have tried at my weight and it goes nowhere – men just take one look and run).

And Pete also asked what we need to support us. Well, I don't really know. I do not know how to lose weight without starving. And the passing out on a regular basis (from the starving) is really not practical. I can up my exercise – but that means other things have to go – like sleep or my second business (which I need to buy my house). I would like someone to train with me. Not a pushy personal trainer, but a friend who has the same goals. But I don't have anyone local to do that.

Will have to think about this some more.

Been very busy so not had a chance to blog days 5,6,7 yet. But I had carried on with my tools and water and exercise and eating well.

So this morning, I weighed myself (1 week) and found I had put on 3lbs. And no, I am not happy about that. And yes, scales may be for fish, but they help track how I am getting on. As well as my clothes not fitting me or being so tight I can hardly breathe.

I have been exercising every day. I have cut my portion sizes down significantly. I have reduced carbs significantly. I have been healthy eating and drinking 2 litres of water. So how has this happened! There is no way that I should have put on weight. In fact, at my weight I would have been shocked to have stayed the same – I would at least have expected to lose a couple of pounds because of all the activity and reduced food.

And there is no point in telling myself that I need to just stick to it and continue doing good things because I have been, and I am now the fattest I have ever been in my life – and getting fatter each time I really concentrate and go for it. And nearly a stone heavier than when I started this programme in Jan 09.

And I am really fed up.

home late and too tired to blog properly.

duck had a lot to say today and got told to shut up !

saw alice in wonderland. it was good :)

Tried on a lot of clothes that I had bought last year. All too small for me and they are a size 24! Sorted them all out for ebay or charity. No point in filling the cupboards with clothes that don't fit. I would rather buy a couple of things that actually fit me now (even though they look awful) than hang on to clothes that just don't fit.

Didn't get a chance to do my usual exercise (but more later). Took mum to the doctor and then shopping and we were out 5 hours !!!! Paid in some cheques. Arranged a bank appt. Got a card and ordered flowers for my niece's dancing show on Saturday.

Then spent time on myself and had my eyebrows threaded.

Then mum wanted plants from Wyevale, so we went over there and had lunch there too (she loves eating lunch out). Choices were so so but I had a toasted tea cake and a cup of tea.

Round to friend's house with my 15 bags of clothes. I've never even worn 70% of them. She is going to sell them on ebay for a commission. She likes doing that sort of thing.

Listened to Day 4 - ………………….yes, I would prefer a boss that said some nice things and was encouraging (although not a micro manager) rather than a critical one that you can never please.

Breakfast – juice
Lunch – Wyevale – tea and toasted tea cake.
Supper – macaroni cheese (not the ideal choice)

Food not so good day. But ate slowly. Also didn't listen to R&R CD as just going to bed now at 1am and need to be up at 5am.

Water – interesting today. When I was out for 5 hours I didn't have any. Why? Well – simple, because there are not many toilets around. So in total today, I have had less than a litre and 4 cups of tea. Whereas, when I am at home or work, I manage the 2 litres no problem.

Had 2 cups of tea at my friend's tonight. Then did 500 step ups. It was a little challenge between me and some other FBookers. Didn't seem much at first, but soon got me puffing. So big pat on the back for me.

Another script for today.

Up early. More washing (where does it all come from). And putting out the rubbish.

5 mins of stretching and weights (arms) and then 12 mins on bike. Put a comedy dvd on to keep me concentrating and keep going. Does give me a sore butt, even with a towel on the seat :) It definitely is better to do my exercise before the day gets going. Otherwise, it will weigh on my mind all day that I haven't done any and will stress me out. Even now, I could say well it's only 20 mins etc. But its 20 minutes more than normal and I tell the duck to shut up when he mentions it !

More bags of clothes to go through – 10 today ! They are all in the hall to take to my friend to try and sell on ebay.

Richard Callendar had a great quote the other day “It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives...”
Not sure if we don't know what we've got til its gone – more like don't appreciate it !

And yes, I guess we don't always know what we're missing until it arrives……..and then there is so little time left to enjoy it. As the song says “there never seems to be the time to do the things you want to do once you've found them”.

Then work……stacks of it and so many deadlines to complete and people to chase up.

Then chasing up solicitor for my new house purchase. Stress – turns out I don't earn enough for the mortgage I need !!!!! Could have turned to food, but had some water and talked it through with accountant to try and work out ways to cover it.

Put a sainsburys order in for Sunday – so that I start the week with lots of healthy food in the house. At the moment, I am eating what I have. Normally I would want crisps or choc and would go out especially to buy them. But now I am concentrating on the house and work and eating what I already have.

Breakfast – innocent smoothie.
Lunch – quorn goujons and salad.
Supper – stir fry veggies and chilli tofu

Tools today – water, eating only when hungry, eating slowly, R&R CD, being more active, reducing stimulants. Added in eating natural foods.

Listened to Day 3 – eating slowly. I am making a very conscious effort to eat as slowly as possible – even with my smoothie. And to really chew my food.

Using 6 tools now – water, eating slowly, eating only when hungry, R&R CD, reducing stimulants, being more active.
Water still a problem in the night. R&R CD was a bit clearer last night.
The exercise is not fun – it hurts. So just doing what I can do and persevering.

Cutting down portion sizes is a big issue for me. The more I eat, the hungrier I get – even if I take a 20 minute break. So cutting food back by a quarter at the moment (do not put it on the plate and then don't want it when it's cold) and reducing carbs as much as I can.

Love the plant analogy today. Yes, we know that plants need patience and air, sunlight, food and water to grow – and to be tended little and often. Always makes me laugh when Pete shouts at the plant to “come on, grow, hurry up!” Yes, I need more patience with myself.

Yes, I have a script for today too!

Listened to day 2 and made some tweaks. Had a small snack first thing (as I was hungry) and lots of water and then did some work.

Tools yesterday – water worked (although had to get up 3 times in the night) and eating slowly and eating only when hungry and being more active and listening to R&R CD.

Today I added in reducing sugar and stimulants – not because I need another tool at the moment, but because I am not drinking alcohol, or drinking any sugary drinks (only drinking water) and not drinking tea as I am concentrating on the water. Also not eating crisps, choc, cakes, biscuits etc – so a lot less sugar than normal.

When I was learning to drive, I found it hard to do all the things at once. But I used to look at all the idiots that had passed their test and thought “if they can do it, so can I”. Not sure if I can translate that to weight loss as I don't know anyone who has lost a lot of weight and kept it off – idiot or not.

Have never looked at the recipes in the resource section!

Listened to the R&R CD last night for the first time. Put it on whilst I got into bed and then just listened to it. I found the deep breathing hard to do – got a chest pain and dizzy. And kept noticing that I was going back to shallow breathing when I was not concentrating.

Could not hear a lot of what Pete was saying over the music, but got the gist of it. But it's all set up now, so we will see what effect it has after 21 days.

Watched the show Wendy recommended last night. I don't think some of the people were taking the girl seriously; and they all had their own agenda – but the amount of sugar the presenter was eating when she weighed it all out (160g instead of daily recommended 60g) was outrageous! And she had no idea about all the hidden sugar in her food – and was shocked, as she thought she was eating healthily. As for McDonalds and Coca Cola sponsoring the Olympics – what a joke!

More washing and chores this morning, and did 5 mins and arms and squats and then 10 mins on the exercise bike. Had to stop as stomach and left knee really in pain.

Work and Brunch.

Took mum shopping. Complained to the council about a blocked drain outside the house.

More washing and then sorted out 3 bags of clothes that do not fit, do not suit me or are just plain horrible. My friend is going to sell the good ones on ebay and the rest are going to charity.

Going to make some supper now as online course in an hour; and then a bit of FB followed by bed with my R&R CD.

But, of course, I will write my script for tomorrow first !

Today I have been acting for the life I want; and concentrating on today only.

I got up, put some washing on, emptied the dishwasher, fired up the computer and listened to Day 1 of the 21 days (again).

Tools I am starting with are 2 litres of water, eating slowly, eating only when hungry and being more active.

What do I want – more energy and normal BP.

I then did 5 minutes of lunges, squats, press ups and then 15 minutes on the exercise bike.
Followed by a small breakfast of fruit, granola and yoghurt and a crumpet.

By this time, the washing was ready to hang up and the next lot go on.

Listened to some podcasts last night for inspiration. And the Cary Grant quote jumped out at me again - "I pretended to be the man I wanted to be until I became him or he became me."
So today, I am acting.

Work. Set up the scanner for timesheets. Sent over all of the outstanding invoices and chased up the ones that had not been paid.
Made doctor and nurse appointments, meeting with business partner, lunch with a client.
Chased up my house purchase, solicitor, mortgage broker, estate agent.

Handful of nuts and small garlic bread for lunch.
2 litres of water easily today, ate slowly and only when hungry.
Tonight I had tofu, vegetables and rice. And I am going to listen to the R&R CD in bed.

And the most interesting thing about today is that I wrote this blog last night as a script for today. And I followed it to the letter.

Going to start the 21 days again tomorrow.

Going to listen to the videos first thing each morning.
Going to eat breakfast – although it may be small.
Going to work out how to eat more fruit and veg – and think about how to make it taste nice.
Going to do 5 minutes movement per day.

2 months into 2010 and I have not achieved anything on the 50 by 50 challenge. I had been the same weight for about 6 months, but then put on 4lbs in the past few weeks. I think this is because I think about food all the time. And when I am concentrating on the programme, it's all I think about. Food, food, food – all day. And it just makes me want to eat more.

Plus, as soon as I start eating, I am actually hungrier than I was before I started. So it's really hard to stop, when my stomach is telling me that I am starving – when 10 minutes earlier, it was only a 6 on the hunger scale. I don't want to “diet” or for this to all be down to “willpower”, but it might have to be.
Just been listening to some of the podcasts to try and inspire me.

I want to reduce my BP and cholesterol levels, so going to start reducing my salt intake (even though I use losalt). I've been taking a B complex vitamin for the past couple of weeks, as I am vegetarian. Maybe I need more supplements.

Big stumbling block is exercise as it is so painful and exhausting. And I dread doing any. I've tried different attitudes towards it, but I don't feel better afterwards – I normally feel a lot worse and am too tired to do the other things I have planned for the day – so then I am behind and highly stressed. And I don't know yet how to get over this one. I will think about it.

I have no energy at the moment; and am constantly exhausted. I have been eating much smaller meals and less of them – but I feel no better and have lost no weight or inches, which is disheartening.

I'm drinking lots of water, eating slowly and only eating when I am hungry. So, will check over the next 3 days that these tools are second nature and then add another couple.

Was going to do day 10 today, but really tired so will review with a clearer head in the morning.

Tried porridge this morning. Been putting it off for months and it was yuck! I'm sure there are ways to make it nicer, but the consistency is horrible - a cross between rice pudding and wall paper paste.....

Took mum out to a tea with a group she attends. Staff put on some acts. Funny and ok. It got her out.

Loads of work to do. Almost got myself another job today. Don't want it, but someone wants me to go there, and they want me and it might lead to more things for one of my team. We'll see.....

So much to do over the weekend that I'm getting a headache thinking about it.

So off to bed to be up early tomorrow.

Spent all day at the farm with the kids today. So plenty of exercise – walking.

It poured with rain, but spirits were kept high.

Food was a bit challenging and soup was the order of the day.
Tonight they wanted to go to pizza hut, and I agreed. They ate a pizza and garlic bread with cheese; and I had a cup of tea. Mum couldn't even have the garlic bread as she has given up garlic for lent!

Life continues stressful.

Working on jobs for my candidates – going ok but hard work, and loads of paperwork to do and loads of forms and issues still to take care of.

Job for me – nightmare.

Bought a new house – big one to include mum and now she won't move into it. Keeps coming up with loads of excuses why not and blaming me for things that she has not even asked me.

Problems with taxes and vat etc.

House a tip.

Not enough hours in the day.

Day 9 video – relaxation.
Don't have a lot of time for relaxation. The slow breathing makes me dizzy and feel sick. I guess its practice, but tried a few times and I am very ill afterwards for quite a while (and I can't spare that time to be ill).

I've never done the relaxation tape…. Have nothing to download it onto. Did buy the CD but all my CD players are broken and its bottom of my list to try and find a way to get them repaired, when I have so many serious issues to tackle. And I can't find the CD anyway.

Going to bed now as I tried the breathing again, and feel really ill.

Very stressful day. Not going to blog it all. But did call a friend and drone on to her for half an hour, whilst trying to work out how to resolve some of the issues. Fact is, I can't. I have done nothing wrong, but am being blamed for situations that I have not created, am not party to and for which I have offered impartial advice and been told to “stop nagging”.

I decided to join Viv on her lent project – to exercise or move for 5 minutes per day. We were also talking about it online last night. So did 5 mins of movement today. It felt very silly, as small steps like that really don't make any difference to weight loss or energy levels. But maybe it warmed up my body for my return to the gym soon. Was supposed to go today, but did not have the energy.

Breakfast – fruit and yoghurt
Tea – veggie sausages and veg
Hungry now and don't have anything “nice” to eat in the house. Really want to go out and buy something. So, asking myself am I really hungry – the answer is yes. And trying to work, to keep my mind off it.

Day 8 – scientist.
Interesting point of view to stand back and dispassionately review steps of the programme. Although I bet scientists do get frustrated not being able to resolve issues.

I'm experimenting with very limited carbs (I cannot cut them out completely at the moment). And I do notice the difference. Especially how tired they make me feel. But then I am tired all of the time anyway.
It was perseverance learning to walk and drive. But there was never a question that I wanted those things. Driving brings so much freedom and I couldn't be without it. I know that being slim would bring more freedom and opportunities and I need to focus on this.

Listened to Day 1 again – a reminder to focus and follow the tools.
Just caught up with some blogs and now back to doing more work to keep my mind off food!

How come most of my favourite foods start with the letter C ?
Crisps
Carbs
Cheese
Coca cola
Chocolate
Cake

So, for lent, I am going to give up all foods that begin with the letter C.

Day 7 video – weebles. Recognise the wobble and do something differently next time. Keep focus.
If I continue with this programme what am I going to get out of it?

Breakfast – youghurt, fruit and nuts
2 litres of water
Lunch – soup
Supper – small flan and veg

Been eating slowly and only when I am hungry.

This means I have cut out snacks altogether by accident. My brain still suggests them, but I ask myself if I am hungry and the answer is normally no.
My meal times are not regular, as I am only eating when hungry. These will probably even out over the next few days.

Had chinese in China Town tonight to celebrate Chinese New Year; but they were small portions.

Lunch was a quorn sandwich and breakfast fruit.
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Listened to Day 6. Pete makes me laugh with his “ultra positive” OTT impression :)

Still being my best friend. And I never watch soaps – too depressing.

Commitment – take each day at a time and apply the tools. take more care of myself and focus.
Control – over cravings and real hunger
Challenge – the 50 by 50
Dream of success
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Loved Nikki's blog today – and she is doing so well on the 50 by 50 challenge. It was started at the beginning of January; but I have not really started yet and have put on 4lbs since then.

So new starting stats and really started now; as everyone is doing so great and Sue actually weighs less than me now!

21 stone 10lbs - 304 lbs
Measurements:
Upper arms both 20
Bust 53
Under bust 42
Waist 45
Atop Tummy!! 47
Around belly button 56
Hips 55
Thighs R = 33 and L = 34
Calf R = 25 and L = 24.25
Wrists 7.5 x2
Total Inches = 449.25"

Been thinking about Viv's great suggestion to take on something for Lent, rather than give something up. As a catholic, I will still be giving something up (more tomorrow). But I think taking up a new affirmation could be a good idea.

I've been listening to Pete's CD in the car (as I've been driving a lot lately); and Tony Robbins tonight. I think what comes out of Tony's CDs is to make decisions and take action. He says that most of us have flabby decision making muscles and we should make more decisions so that they become easier.

3am – so off to bed now.