Fab Feb - Day 7
Bit of a weird start to the day. I couldnt stop sneezing! I'm hoping it counts as exercise lol! I dont think I'm getting sick as the rest of me feels fine, but I decided to take it a bit easy in the morning.
Food wise was GOOD yesterday. Water was lacking, and I did feel the difference it made not being properly hydrated having been quite good at keeping up with it for a few days.
I resisted biscuits when offered them after the church service which deserves a huge pat on the back, it was my downfall the day before when I was offered cake and the rest of the day was awful.
I'm trying to unravel why I do certain things and to get to the bottom of some of the reasons for punishing myself with food. And what I do is a form of punishment or abuse as I know that when I eat certain things my body feels absolutely horrible and I end up with physical pain. I need to learn ways to deal with whatever it is that triggers it, but sometimes I'm not entirely sure of the trigger and thats what I do need to try and identify so that I can put alternative things in place to prevent me from basically harming myself from the inside out.
I've had a tough year. Its almost a year since the husband and I separated and my divorce should be through in a couple of weeks. Adjusting to life as a single parent has been tough. Reforming a relationship on a different level with the husband so that we can continue to parent our children effectively has been difficult, but its working; finding out who I am when I'm not being a wife and mother is probably the most challenging part of what I'm going through.
For a long time I have been defined by both roles, but I know there is more to me than that, and I do show that on a daily basis with my art and crafts, but I feel the need to define myself and that is probably where I trip myself up sometimes.
Most people when they first meet you never say...so what makes you tick, they ask what you do, and when my reply comes back 'I look after my children' I see this glazed look come across and it hurts because I know I'm a really good mother, but its not soley what defines me.
Blah...I'm waffling and not sure its going anywhere!
A huge pat on the back to you for working through a really difficult time.
Being a parent is one of the most challenging roles there is and you should give yourself credit for doing a great job. But you are still deserving of a life outside parenthood.
If people define others by what they do, rather than who they are, then it is a problem with them - not you.
Well done and I hope you discover the true you really soon.
Bx
You have had a tough year and I think you have done remarkably well. It is amazing how resilient we can be and only realise that when we step back from a situation. Often we live in our most recent (perceived) f**k up and forget the big picture.
I think you have done amazing. You are a great friend too (so that's another label for you!)
Other people can be strange. I love the 'what do you do?' question. Isn't it funny, I get peed off when people ask me when I'm going to get married and have kids. But I don't want either (just a large diamond would suffice) I end up feeling like a selfish cow or insulting their lifestyle choice when I explain my life's dreams to others.
Some define us by what we 'do', 'have' & 'own'. I define people by the feeling I get when I'm with/interacting with them. I avoid 'heart sinkers', moaners and people who suck the will to live from me.
Sorry I'm rambling and I appear to have no point....but I do. You are you and I love you for it!
Next time someone asks what you do you can say that you inspire others!
Mwahx
I feel very blessed to have you as a friend
xxx
Babysbabe, thank you so much for your kind words xxx
You ara strong lady, a great person and a wonderful mum.
Take care
Pete