Day 297 - Grrrrr.....!!!
Well all did go according to plan! I had a good start in the morning and decided to finish off the cleaning. My boys helped with the laundry and mopping and around noon my cuz arrived very upset. She'd heard from her mother's solicitor and againt the old chestnut has been dragged up. Obviously I was there for her and did what I could to help, I also made lunch for the six of us as my ex was there. He actually started to irritate me as he has a way of talking without saying anything remotely useful and that is full of holes and totally useless - but he IS my ex and I guess that's part of it too.
They eventually left around 3.30pm and I was exhausted - I'd done the cleaning, washing, made two huge salads for the party, lunch for six and listened to problems and NOT got to the library with my boys - they went alone.
So I had a couple of hours sleep and then got ready for the party and felt pretty and happy to go - really looking forward to the boys performance. We got there and were one of the first to arrive even though we were half hour after the start time! It is always awkwward there as they have a huge dog and I'm massively allergic - I'd had 6 piriton and inhalers before I went and was ok as long as we weren't in the same room.
The boys needed a laptop to guide them with the song and one had been set up and attached to the stereo so that was good. I beavered about helping where I could when I got there and counted down the time to 9pm when she wanted them to perform. We gathered everyone together and after the initial intro EVERYONE joined in with them, drunken teenagers, the lot! This is all TOTALLY understandable because it's one of those songs but the point was, all five of the boys were drowned out and no-one got to hear them! My heart could've broken and I was SO cross! I'd personally spent five hours putting this together, was so proud of them, my little one had found the courage to do descant and never had the chance, my eldest never got to open his mouth and the other two just took it on the chin because they weren't really singing anyway.
I KNOW the girl who's birthday it was enjoyed it but she didn't get to see the work that had gone into it and she would've appreciated it as she's a music student. I was absolutely GUTTED!! I was indignant on all their behalfs. I tried SO hard to keep myself under control, I went for a short walk, requested that they did a private show for the girl when next they were all together, helped in the kitchen some more when all I wanted to do was go home. If I'd have gone home at 9.30pm then I would have looked and felt like a child having a tantrum.
I think the worst bit was that, with the exception of the boys, no-one, even my closest friends and family understood how it felt. It was like having spent hours making a cake, along with five other little helpers, arriving with it in a box and then having people stamp all over it laughing and then saying, it's ok, because we had lots of fun doing it!!
Anyway, I hung on till 10pm and then left making my excuses, I was terribly upset and went straight to bed when i got home to a sleep filled with nightmares and I've woken with an aching jaw because of all the teeth grinding I've done.
BUT I DID NOT DRINK OR SMOKE OR OVEREAT TO DEAL WITH IT!!! I was determined not to let it get the better of me. Even though I was offered wine repeatedly, especially after the catastrophe I resisted, I KNEW I would want a whole bottle and that this would lead me to want to smoke and then I'd feel ill today as well as exhausted and stressed!
So what am I going to do today? Exactly what I feel like when I feel like it - that's what - I'll let you know what I did tomorrow...
Hope you had a restful day and were able to unwind.
Thinking of you.
BikerB x
Have a fabulous time treating yourself to doing what you want today!