Day 293 - Rather shamefaced!
I feel like SUCH a muppet. I feel like I've let myself, you lot AND Pete down with reverting back to smoking!!
Who would've thought that a LONG dead habit would resurface?? Obviously my NEW strategies for dealing with stress aren't ingrained enough. I'm guessing it's because it's been overload - the first three traumas I could deal with, it was the last one with my mother that sent me over the edge. And I'm guessing and hoping that I will NEVER have a repeat of the two months I've just had - having trauma is one thing but having one on top of the other repeatedly is rather unusual to say the least!
So to report from yesterday. I have not touched cigarettes - I was close last night when my youngest stressed me out but no, I went and bought quality street instead! lol! NO!!!! Not for me - for the advent calendar for the boys. I do love those felt advent calendars and have filled one up with two sweets per day for the boys - they have to be exactly the same so no fighting!!
I DID have a few sweeties, but didn't go berserk and now the extras have gone I know I'll be fine. I didn't have caffiene either, or alcohol and I DID go to the gym after posting my confessional blog yesterday. It felt great - I realised I was just using the productions as an excuse for not looking after myself.
Today we've had raspberries and granola for breakfast, I have a lunch planned of leaves and parm ham in a wrap followed by fresh pineapple. I don't have anything planned for this afternoon although I could do some housework but I know I won't!! I think I may finish my book and RELAX before cooking steak and med veg for tea and getting off to tonight's final performance at the secondary.
Two children have warned me that they're ill but are determined to make it tonight, however, I am quite relaxed about understudying for one of them and asking my youngest to read in for another - the show must go on!! I can't believe how calm I am about this - last year this would've sent me into orbit!
As I've said on a previous blog, hubs and I have agreed to give each other massages as a stress reliever and he did last night - that's why I'm convinced that I slept so well - that and the fact that I'd had no stimulants and a gym visit.
Maybe I'm finally starting to reconnect with the new me and starting to fight off the old one with a vengeance! I can't wait to step into tomorrow knowing that I have loads of time to look after myself - even though I have a ruck of housework to do! lol!
Hugs to all and thank you for all your support.... M xx
You`re the best!
PP xx
At least you are aware of what you are doing but don't beat yourself up. Smoking is like eating in that it's an affirmation to yourself. You have been going through a stressful time and smoking has been a way of recognising yourself and doing something for yourself.
When the time is right you will stop
Take care and I am sending you a big hug
Pete
Also I'm off work now for FIVE weeks! Yahoo!! Nothing else to be stressed about now and three whole weeks of looking after me and two weeks of looking after my boys - so excited now!!
Thank you guys - you're the best...xx
p.s. Pete I can feel that hug! You do great hugs and I really needed one! xx